Page 42 of Waiting to Love You

A few months after I found the nerve to tell my mom I was pregnant with her first granddaughter, my father was transferred to Naval Personnel Command in Millington, TN. It’s a little over a three-hour drive from Tyson’s Creek to my parents’ front door, making it easier for us to see each other whenever we find the time, not that I find the time very often. Between raising Rebekah and the dance studio, I don’t have much free time to do anything besides sleep.

My mom comes to visit Tyson’s Creek often, sometimes spending the entire weekend spoiling both of us, but my dad is usually tied up with something at work, which suits me just fine, although my relationship with my father has gotten better over the last few years, and even more so since Rebekah was born. He’s a much better grandfather than father. He may not have a lot of time away from work to spend with her, but he makes a point of seeing her as often as he can.

I roll my eyes at my mom, then walk over and kiss her cheek before leaning down and giving my dad a peck on the forehead. “I love you both, but I really have to go.” I check my watch and move a little quicker. “We can have dinner together when you come down this weekend, okay?”

“And I can have Rebekah while you’re at class?” my mom questions as she follows me toward the door, pushing it open and holding it long enough for Rebekah and me to walk out.

“Yeah, sure. But if I get any lip from Leia, I’m blaming you.”

“Fine. Leia gets to see you both whenever she wants because you live so close to each other.” My mom pouts as she leans down to plant a kiss on Rebekah’s forehead.

“Nothing is stopping you from moving closer to Tyson’s Creek, Mom. I’m sure they’re gonna kick Dad out of the service soon.” I giggle, trying to hide the yearning in my voice.

I’d love nothing more than my mom to live closer to us, but my dad is still in the military. He promised my mom he was going to retire a few times, but something always comes up at the last minute. I’ve never asked if it was his decision or the government’s that he wasn’t allowed to retire, and if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I’d believe whatever answer he gave me. I gave up years ago on the hope he’d put my mom, Melissa, and me ahead of his career.

“I don’t know what the future holds for your father. He has a very important position at Command, but he promised he’d find more time to spend with us.”

I highly doubt that. I plaster on the same fake smile I give her every time she mentions spending time with my father. It’s not that I don’t love my father, but there’s still a part of me that doesn’t know if I can trust him with my heart. Some people are better to love from a distance, and my father is one of them. I won’t be hurt or disappointed that way.

“Both of you are welcome to come visit us in Tyson’s Creek whenever you want.”

“You know your father is busy with work.” My mom grimaces before plastering another bright smile on her face. “But I’ll get with him so we can make plans for us to come and visit together soon.”

“Sure thing, Ma.” I give her one last smile, then head toward my car and quickly lock Rebekah’s seat into the holder.

“All right, baby girl. Let’s get you home.” I glance in the rearview mirror at her smiling face before pulling out of the driveway and heading home.

I have exactly four hours to get home and in the house and make sure Rebekah is occupied before Seth calls me. He should be getting his dinner break in a few hours. Ever since they started their construction on Seaside Heights a few days ago, he’s been working nonstop. Hopefully, once he passes the civil service exam and begins working as a county deputy, the hours will be a little more regular. Who could’ve imagined that I’d worry about someone else’s schedule? I shake my head and smile as I pull my car out of my parents’ driveway and head for the freeway.

Seth and I have been spending more and more time together recently, making it even harder to continue keeping Rebekah a secret from him. At first, I told myself that it wasn’t the right time to tell him and that I needed to find the perfect opportunity, but the longer I wait, the harder it becomes to tell him. My excuses are sounding less and less plausible, even to me, and I know in my heart that the longer I wait, the more devastated Seth will be because I’ve been lying to him.

I would like to believe that this is nothing more than a mother’s instinct to protect her child from pain, but I can’t keep lying to myself, either. I’m afraid. Afraid of his reaction to finding out he has a child. Afraid of his anger at me for keeping it from him. But most of all, I’m afraid that he won’t want to have anything to do with either of us because that’ll shatter my soul into a million tiny pieces.

“I need to tell him, and soon,” I whisper into the quiet car as I try to think of anything else besides Seth, but fail miserably. I spend the next few hours imagining every probable outcome to tell him about our daughter—the good, the bad, and the indifferent. Each one plays in full color through my mind as I make my way back home.

Although I can’t think of anything besides Seth on the drive, I make it back to Tyson’s Creek in no time. As I turn left onto my street, my phone suddenly rings.

“Shit,” I mutter, worrying about Rebekah hearing me.

I thought I’d have enough time to get her into the house and be occupied with some toys before he called. Ignoring the call, I hop out of the car and unbuckle our daughter before grabbing the diaper bag. Just as I’m shutting the door, my phone rings again.

“Your daddy is persistent today,” I coo at the baby as I scurry toward the house and let myself inside.

I set Rebekah and her car seat on the coffee table, then dig through my purse for a few minutes before locating my phone. Sure enough, my screen is illuminated, notifying me of two missed calls from Seth. My phone rings for a third time, and Rebekah fusses in her seat.

“Can’t he just give me a few minutes to get situated?” I mumble to myself as I reject the call, then shoot him a text.

Bristol

Hey, I’m on the phone with my mom. Can I call you back?

Seth

Hey, beautiful. Sorry for the repeated calls, but I have news to share.

I inhale deeply, attempting to calm the thoughts running rampant through my mind. No one calls someone three times in a row if it’s not important to them. My mind races as I imagine what he could want to tell me. My guesses range from him dying of an incurable disease to him getting recalled to the Marines. The probability of either of these options happening is practically nonexistent, but there’s no telling my brain that.

Seth

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