Page 35 of Waiting to Love You

Chapter 10

Bristol

Sunlight filters in from the window of the room, waking me up. Did Rebekah let me sleep? I can’t remember the last time her crying didn’t wake me up because she was hungry or needed a diaper change. Then I feel it: the wet patches on my shirt from not nursing last night.

What in the actual fuck have I done? I chastise myself as Seth wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me tightly to his chest. I bite back a groan as pain shoots through my body. This is one of the many drawbacks of spending a single night away from your nursing infant. Leakage.

My mind filters through last night, trying to remember if Seth said or did anything to indicate he knows about our daughter. The taste of breast milk isn’t something the average man would know for sure, but you never know. Of all the ways to discover he is a father, finding me leaking breast milk all over his bed was not my choice.

I need to get out of here, and fast. As gently as possible, I lift Seth’s hand and try to shimmy out from underneath him without waking him up. It takes me a few minutes, but I disentangle myself from his embrace without incident. I send up a silent prayer of thanks as I throw my legs over the side of the bed and begin searching for my clothes.

I quickly find my panties at the edge of the bed and pull them on but decide to forego the bra. Just the thought of putting it on right now brings tears to my eyes. I tiptoe toward his bedroom door in search of my dress as I feel Seth grab my hand.

“Morning, beautiful.” He spins me around and pulls me into his bare chest. “What the hell is that?”

I bite my lip to stifle a groan of pain as he pulls away from me and looks down at my chest. My arms fly up to cover my breast, pretty sure milk is now leaking from my nipples, and I try to search for a reasonable explanation.

“I drool a lot. Sorry.” I pull out of his embrace and scurry straight into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. What have I done… again? I knew going on a date with Seth would lead to disaster, but sleeping with him was even worse.

A soft knock on the door causes me to jump. I open the door a few inches and poke my head out. Seth is standing in front of me in a pair of low-hanging sweatpants and no shirt.

“I grabbed your dress, but I have one of my shirts and some sweats to change into if you’d like.”

I nod before realizing he can’t hear me. “Sweats and a shirt would be great,” I respond as I stick my arm out the door and take the clothes from his hands.

“You can take a shower if you want. There are towels under the sink.”

“Thank you,” I whisper as he kisses my forehead gently.

“Anything for you, love.” He turns on his heels and heads toward the front of the apartment, and I shut the door quietly behind me.

There he goes, throwing that word around again. Love. How can he be so sure how he feels about me? Yeah, we spent months circling around each other before he left on deployment, but that was over a year ago. Can we really go right back to how things were before? We haven’t even spent a whole twenty-four hours together since he came back to Tyson’s Creek. Not to mention he has a daughter that he doesn’t know about. I have a feeling he’s going to look at me differently once I tell him about Rebekah.

I shake those thoughts from my mind as I turn the shower on, allowing the water some time to warm up before turning to place the shirt and sweats from Seth, along with the rest of my clothes, on the counter. I spin around and shove my arm into the shower, feeling the warm water running down my hand before peeling my panties off and climbing in.

I let the warm water hit my engorged breasts and sigh in relief as I feel the creamy liquid drip from my nipples. There’s one crisis averted. It doesn’t take long for the pressure to diminish, and I wash, squirting soap into my hands and lathering myself up.

I take my time in the shower, hoping the repetitive task will stop my mind from wandering, but as usual, I have no such luck. I need to find a way to make sense of my feelings and figure out how to handle telling Seth about Rebekah before it’s too late.

The connection I feel toward Seth is undeniable and so much more than I ever could have imagined, but how will he react when I find the courage to tell him about our daughter? I told him I had secrets that I was afraid to tell him, and that’s an understatement. Couple that with the worry that he wouldn’t understand why I wanted to keep her existence from him, and I have more than enough on my plate. The one thing I know for certain is the longer I wait to tell him about her, the harder it’s going to become.

I know a lot about Seth, but the one thing we never discussed was if either of us wanted children. I don’t regret Rebekah by any means, but maybe Seth will. He lost his parents at an early age and grew up in the foster care system. That must have left a mark on him. He laid his heart out to me last night, letting me know that his plans for the future include me. But a baby is an enormous responsibility, one that I’m not sure he wants or is ready for right now. He just got out of the Marines and is trying to build a life for himself. He doesn’t even have a permanent place to live yet. Adding a baby to the mix will only complicate things for both of us. We aren’t even in a relationship. Although it seems to be headed that way, things will change when he finds out about Rebekah. Will he still feel the same way about me as he does right now? Will he be able to love Rebekah? There are so many unanswered questions that my mind feels as if it’s spinning out of control.

A knock on the door startles me from my thoughts.

“Yes?” I squeak.

“Wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything else. I made coffee.” I can hear the nerves in his voice.

“I’m almost finished,” I say as I rinse off one more time and shut off the water.

“I’ll be in the kitchen.”

“I’ll see you in a minute,” I reply without thinking as I climb out of the shower and grab a towel.

Grabbing the shirt Seth gave me off the counter, I slip it over my head, pulling my hair out of the collar and letting it hang loosely around my shoulders. I then quickly throw on my panties and the sweats before grabbing my dirty shirt off the floor and striding out of the bathroom.

Seth is standing at the kitchen sink, staring out the window and giving me the perfect view of his muscular form. As my eyes scan his body, I catalog every delicious detail, from the large Marine Corps symbol tattooed on his back along his left shoulder blade, to his rippling arm muscles as he clenches the counter in front of him.

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