Page 11 of Surviving You, Scotch and Sammy 1

“So, Sam… what’s three plus four?”

She thinks she’s so clever. I look to my right and catch her beautiful green smiling eyes. “Twelve?”

“Oh, so close.” She’s half a second from giggling, I can feel it, and the power that swirls within me at the knowledge that I finally have her to myself for the first time ever, and that she’s smiling at me and sitting so close our shoulders touch, I’d say this is about the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. It’s a heady power, an addictive feeling that I’ll never give up.

“It’s seven, but good try.”

“What’s your favorite candy snack, Sammy?”

Her eyes snap up from the workbook in front of us. “Huh?”

“Your favorite junk food snack. I wanna know more about you.”

“I thought we were here to study?”

“Well, maybe we can kill two birds with one stone. Let’s assume your favorite snack is Skittles.”

“I prefer M&M’s.”

Such sweet victory. “M&M’s work too. So say we had a giant share bag of M&M’s. We could divvy them up and count them out. If we took my three M&M’s plus your four, it would make it easier for me to count to seven.”

“Why do I get four and you get less? I’ll get fat.”

“I doubt it. I see you swimming before school every day.”

Her eyes flare wide. “You do?”

Oops.

I wonder how much I can tell her before she has me arrested? I know who her daddy is, and I know he’s an asshole. “Ah, yeah. I saw you ages ago at the lake. I was running by and noticed you.” I was actually skating by, for fun, but now I run six days a week just so I have a plausible excuse if she ever caught me hovering nearby.

“So you saw me that one time?” Her eyes narrow. “Or all the time?”

“All the time…?”

“Jesus Sam.” A brand new blush fills her cheeks. “I usually swim before the sun even comes up. I probably look like crap.”

I lean in closer and smile. “So you care what I think?”

“Well. I mean--”

“‘Cause I think you look beautiful. The way you dive in so gracefully, even though I know that water must be cold as shit at that time of the morning. Then the way your arms slice through the water and you race back and forth.” I take a strand of her long hair between my fingers. “I particularly like the way you wear your hair loose and it floats and ripples the way it does. Watching you swim gets me outta bed every single day, Sammy.”

She swallows heavily as her eyes stay locked on mine. “I wish I knew you were there.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I would’ve said hey. I don’t get a lot of… space from my folks. My house is worse than an empty museum. It’s just so cold and emotionless. The lake and work are kind of my escapes to just be me.”

“Do you want me to not come down anymore? To let you have your space?”

“No.” She smiles so softly, and her eyes trace the planes of my face like she’s trying to memorize me the way I’ve memorized her. “Next time you can come say hi. I don’t mind.”

“Okay.” I spin her hair around my fingers and silently celebrate today’s victories. There’s no way in hell I won’t be at the lake tomorrow, and I’ll sure as shit be waiting on the dock for when she reemerges.

Every single morning when I watch her dive, that full minute I have to wait for her to swim back to the surface is the longest minute of my day. It’s like she wants to stay under, like it really is her own world down there where no one can touch her, but the realities of life and the necessity for oxygen force her back to the surface.

I want to give her that space, that place to just be herself. I want to be that space for her. “Alright. I’ll drop by tomorrow. I might even bring M&M’s.”

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