‘When were you going to tell me?’
The deafening silence is punctuated by the hum of the fridge and then the creaking of footsteps above us. I hope it’s Daisy, unable to get back to sleep after a wee, and not Georgia eavesdropping at the top of the stairs.
‘I was waiting for the right moment.’ I press my hands flat on the table, fingers splayed, and focus on the gold band around my finger, and just then I picture our shotgun wedding, as Gary called it, where not a drop of alcohol passed my lips – the stuffy registry office of the Wood Green civic centre – Linda and Zelda, bridesmaids next to me. Tom’s mate, Toby, by his side in a too tight navy suit – my protruding belly – I was definitely showing by then. And then a table for twenty at the Apollo restaurant in Bayswater where everyone got pissed apart from me. ‘But you were bereaved and…’
‘Don’t you dare use my aunt as an excuse for your lies,’ he roars. I look at the ceiling, imagining Daisy sitting up in bed, listening, kindle in hand, wondering what a psycho family she’s got herself mixed up with.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper. ‘It’s just that you warned me off Liam and I didn’t know how to…’ And then suddenly a thought rockets into my head and the reins pull on my vocal cords. ‘Hang on a minute.’ Cocking my head, I press my torso against the edge of the wooden table and narrow my eyes. ‘You said Frank told you everything last Saturday, sent you the photo. You’ve known about Liam for almost a week, yet carried on as normal. You even wanted to fuck me just now on the staircase.’ I glower at him. ‘So why the sudden incredulity?’
Tom’s face tightens. ‘I thought he was lying. I thought you were going to deny it,’ he says through gritted teeth. ‘I’ve been going crazy since I found out. I couldn’t even discuss it with anyone. In the end, I convinced myself you’d bumped into your ex and that clown took a photo of you and him to cause trouble between us because, let’s face it, it’s obvious you didn’t want him dating Zelda.’
I nod fanatically. ‘You’re absolutely spot on.’ Holding my hands up, I swallow hard. ‘Frank’s a vindictive liar. I’ve known him for weeks, remember? Long before any of you guys met him.’
‘Only this time he wasn’t lying, was he?’ Tom says dryly. ‘This time he was telling the naked truth.’
Chapter 43
‘No, Tom, you’ve got it wrong,’ I insist. ‘Frank’s a liar, he was…’
‘Jesus, does a word of truth ever come out of your mouth?’ Tom cuts across me. ‘Dad was right about you all along.’ Right about what? What did Gary say about me, the fucking arsehole. I told you he’s never liked me. ‘Do you know what I think, Bella?’ I do a little shaky head thing, almost like a tremor. ‘I think you’re only saying all this now because you got caught.’ I shake my head to and fro, to and fro. ‘I don’t think you were ever going to tell me about Liam.’ No, no, no. I was! ‘I think you were going to just carry on letting me think I’m Georgia’s dad.’ His words come at me like sharp knives. ‘Because God forbid anyone tries to ruin your perfect life.’
‘You’ve got it all wrong,’ I retort, fresh tears blurring my vision. ‘If only you’d let me explain, I....’
He raises his palm to shut me up, takes a gulp of cognac and swishes it around in his mouth like a rinse. I bite the flesh inside my bottom lip to stop myself from bawling. ‘Okay, I admit I’ve been a bit economical with the truth.’ I pause, tap my fingers against the table nervously. My entire body is trembling. ‘But I was only trying to protect you.’
Tom raises an eyebrow. ‘Oh, Please.’
‘Just give me a chance to tell you what happened. The truth. And why Frank is trying to destroy our marriage.’
‘Bit late for that.’
‘Please hear me out.’ Tom shrugs as if to say, go on then, then takes another big gulp of cognac.
I take a deep, shaky breath and begin – I hired Frank as my personal trainer, didn’t tell him because I knew he’d blow a gasket about his fees. But I needed to get into shape. It was important to me. I was beginning to feel invisible. I was putting on weight, getting saggy, feeling low. ‘We were getting on brilliantly and then one day he tried it on with me.’ Tom looks incredulous. ‘Tried to kiss me. I pushed him away; told him I was happily married. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer. That’s why I quit the gym.’
‘Another lie,’ Tom groans, ‘why am I not surprised?’
‘On the day we went to Linda and Theo’s, I found him outside our house.’ Tom gives me a sharp look. ‘And before you say anything, I didn’t give him our address. He got Serval’s assistant to look it up on the system. He told me he was returning my boxing gloves but then tried to persuade me re-join the gym, called his come-on a misunderstanding. Gave me some sob story about his landlord putting up the rent. God, that man spends money like water. I don’t know where he gets it from. Maybe he’s an escort.’ I laugh lightly but Tom is looking at me as if he wants to kill me.
‘Anyway,’ I continue, ‘when I refused, he completely lost it.’ Tom frowns. ‘He was scary, intimidating. Later that night, low and behold, he turns up with Zelda on his arm.’ I exhale a trembly breath. ‘Frank is clever, Tom.’ I wipe a tear that is curving over my cheek. ‘Everything he does is calculated. Planned.’
‘Have you quite finished?’
‘Yes,’ I say, wiping my nose with the back of my arm. ‘Well, say something then.’
Tom snorts and looks at me in a way he never has before. The chair grazes against the tiles as he shoots to his feet and marches out of the kitchen. ‘Nice try,’ he yells over his shoulder. ‘Frank’s version is almost identical, only the roles were reversed.’
Shit, he doesn’t believe me. Getting to my feet, I take a few breaths, holding onto the backrest of the chair for support because I’m not sure I can trust my legs to hold me up. I can hear Tom clattering around in the front room, the thud of the sideboard drawers – slam, slam, slam – his heavy footfall, and then a drone of voices – he’s turned the TV back on.
Creeping back into the living room, I slide onto the seat next to him as he stares at the screen, face ablaze, lips a downward curved line.
‘Tom.’ I go to touch his arm but he tuts and shakes me off. ‘I’m not leaving until we’ve discussed this,’ I say smoothly, sounding braver than I feel. ‘Everything that Frank told you is a lie.’ He gives me a sharp look. ‘An exaggeration of the truth,’ I correct. ‘Yes, he earwigged on my conversation with Liam at the café, but he doesn’t know the facts – took everything at face value and added lots of spice, and as for me fancying him. Pfft, fat chance.’
Tom looks at the remote on the coffee table. He’s going to turn up the volume to drown out my voice, something he does to his mother when he wants her to shut up, something he knows I detest as much as Wendy does.
‘Please, don’t,’ I say quietly, grabbing his hand mid-flow as he reaches for the remote. ‘Okay, I’ll tell you everything. The whole truth.’ I follow his eyes to my hand, yellow wedding band gleaming on his finger, and that’s when I spot it – an A4 white envelope on the shelf of the coffee table. It wasn’t there before. I’m a hundred per cent certain of it because the latest copy of Good Housekeeping was in its place. That’s what all that opening and closing of drawers in the kitchen was about – he was looking for something. This.
I peer at it discretely. It looks official. Is he going to serve me with divorce papers? Is that why he didn’t confront me about this for almost a week? Was he biding his time? Sorting out the paperwork? I don’t know what to do. I can’t breathe. I can’t focus.