Page 34 of My Begrudging Scent Matches

Alone in the dark like this, still hours to sunrise, she is perfectly peaceful. She can’t worry about this being a poor idea, or about what it will mean when she wakes up tomorrow when she can dissect everything in the harsh light of the sun.

She feels only the heat of Grant and Caleb, the content purring from their chests lulling her right back to that peaceful sleep she only gets with them around.

The rest will have to wait until tomorrow.

twelve

When tomorrow comes, she wakes past noon, Caleb still knocked out beside her. They’re sprawled naked beneath the blankets, his leg over hers with her arm slung over his chest. She never thought she’d find chest hair hot, but whatever he’s got going on here is definitely working for her.

She rubs her eyes a bit and then pushes her head up to see into the kitchen where Grant is cooking something for once—pancakes, from the smell of it. Both of them have messy hair, no evidence of their perfectly put-together office looks. Caleb wakes with a big inhale and pulls Alice to his chest. He puts his face in her neck and kisses her there three times before just holding her, both of them joining the world of the living by degrees.

“I have to get up,” Alice says.

Caleb groans and pulls her tighter to him. “Five more minutes.”

“I have to pee,” she says.

He relaxes his arms around her, enough for her to wiggle away from him. “Can’t fight biology,” he says.

Alice pauses before grabbing her clothes and scurrying out of the room and to the bathroom down the hall. She definitely wasn’t fighting her biological urges when she woke up in the middle of the night and pounced on Caleb like a feral cat. God, what was she thinking? Every time she let herself have them, it was going to make it that much harder to cut them off entirely, and it’s prudent that she do just that.

Her face flushes remembering all of it. Alice isn’t a stranger to sex, even good sex, she’s had a small share of, but she isn’t accustomed to sex like that. The kind that makes her feel woozy and overwhelmed, a zap to all of her senses. If they could keep doing that without any pesky strings attached, she would be thrilled.

But sex with Caleb and Grant isn’t just sex; they want her in their pack as their mates, and they’ve made themselves abundantly clear about this.

She wants. . . She doesn’t quite know what she wants.

It feels disingenuous to say that she wants nothing to do with them. It is also disingenuous for her to say that she doesn’t want what they want, the love and companionship that comes with a pack, a family. But how can she possibly have that while still keeping what she’s worked so hard for?

Grant and Caleb are muttering something to each other when she pads back into the kitchen. The two of them are so beautiful, it still almost takes her breath away to look at them and have them look back at her. But how they stand in front of her right now, she feels particularly lucky.

Caleb’s terse demeanor and seriousness at work is belied by his quiet laughs and complete earnestness. The way his crooked bottom teeth press into his lip when he’s listening, and even the flush of his cheeks when she’s near him endear him to her.

He watches her, observes, orders her favorite food, and puts little horse figurines on her desk when she isn’t looking. Grant, too, is so much like an affectionate puppy that will do anything to make them happy—but he’s the quiet strength here.

He is the true Alpha of the pack, confident and steady whereas Caleb is careful and wary, and Alice can see herself fit right between them perfectly; even with all of her jagged, people-pleasing edges.

There’s a reason they’re her scent matches.

But how could she commit to this? How could anyone see their perfect, balanced relationship and decide it would be simple to join them? A relationship with one person was hard enough, to add another into the mix and everything hinges on emotional communication and honesty. Alice is good at many, many things, but sharing her feelings like that isn’t one of them. She can’t even tell others who she really is, her closest friend still thinks she’s a Beta.

She would disappoint them, and by then, she’d love them fully, and hurting them would break her.

She can’t do this.

“I, uh,” Alice clears her throat and the two of them turn quickly to her with smiles warm as the sun. “I think I should go.”

Caleb’s face falls. Grant remains calm.

“Are you hungry? You should eat,” Grant says.

“No,” Alice responds, though her stomach growling at the smell of the breakfast would indicate otherwise. “It’s just… my sister is in town for a few more days and I should be with her.”

“Right,” Grant says. His eyes narrow on her, but he doesn’t disagree. Caleb, on the other hand, moves around the counter to hover next to her.

“Is this about last night?” he says. “Because if it is, I’m sorry, I should’ve—I don’t know—kept my hands to myself. I shouldn’t have?—”

“It’s not that,” Alice says. “You didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, I instigated.”

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