Page 89 of Every Beautiful Mile

Like a horny teenager.

The orgasm screams through me, and the fireworks that explode in my eyes put the town of Bethel’s display to shame.

I gasp for air, barely standing upright, while Ethan cages his arms around me, not bothering to hide how how hard he is pressed against me.

Tomorrow, I’ll be embarrassed over the fact I just got off on his leg, but right now, I feel like a goddess that’s just been released from captivity.

I’m a panting puddle being held together only by my skin, and it feels fucking amazing.

“I haven’t been touched like that in a really long time,” I say between shallow breaths. “Actually, ever. I’ve never ever done that.”

My laugh is a husky sound as he ghosts a kiss on my neck and chuckles against my skin.

This time, when his lips find mine, it’s long and slow, like we have all night. Like there’s nothing more important than the way his tongue moves against mine. Like we are going to stand here forever with our mouths melting together.

He pulls away slightly, my body still coming down from the high, and then touches me softly, rubbing his nose against my cheek.

“No filter. If I wasn’t driving away tomorrow and I didn’t live 1,723 miles away, what would you do about this,” I ask, even though I know the answer will be a curse on my heart no matter what.

His fingers trace the line of the chain around my neck before stopping at the ring in the center of my chest. He holds it in his hand and stares at it as my chest rises and falls with my breath.

His eyes meet mine, and there’s an unexpected turbulence in them. “Nothing,” he says, voice guarded as he drops the ring and takes a step back with a shrug. “If you weren’t leaving tomorrow, I wouldn’t do anything. It’s not who I am.”

His words dump over me like a bucket of ice-cold water. “Right.” My stupid heart crumbles. “Of course not.”

Ethan is a man who dates pretty women late at night. There would never be a future, even a hypothetical one, between someone like him and someone like me.

Even knowing that, he’s still shocked me.

I fumble to get the door open and force myself to smile, though my lips feel like lead. “Goodnight, Ethan. I’ll see you in the morning,” I say softly.

“Night, Nel.”

He shoves his hands into his pockets, taking another step back.

I close the door and press my back to it. The only sound is my heavy breathing and pounding heart in the darkness of the Avion.

The man who just gave me my first orgasm in over a year would never want anything more. I grab the ring in my hand and let every opposing feeling rip me apart as I slide down the door and land on the floor.

I don’t bother wiping the tears that fall next.

Thirty-three

The seven hours I spend not sleeping are the perfect amount of time for me to convince myself that Ethan misspoke.

Or misunderstood the question.

Like maybe he meant he’d do nothing differently than what we were already doing, which is dry humping and making out like horny teenagers.

A chilly rain falls, but I barely feel it. Heat feeds on my entire body as I walk toward the house, remnants of the pleasure he’d given me curdling with the sting of his words.

I’m going to walk in, tell him thanks for the thighgasm, then demand an explanation.

And sure, I’m leaving and living a world away, but the idea in a hypothetical world he wouldn’t do anything differently is ridiculous. Who thinks like that?

Marin, Finn, and Derek stand in the kitchen as I slide open the glass door.

“You’re up,” I say too loudly with a smile too big.

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