Page 2 of Every Beautiful Mile

I grip the podium so tightly my knuckles might split.

“You claim to love Travis?” I scoff. “Well, I call bullshit! This,” I hold my arms out toward the altar covered with ridiculous flower arrangements that surround me, voice strained, “is you giving up on him.”

I wipe my nose with my sleeve as I swallow the sob that feels like shrapnel in my throat.

“You all can sit here in your stupid black clothes and sad faces and do nothing, or you can go look for him like I’ve been telling you!” My voice cracks.

The priest, who has been sitting quietly, is now walking toward me, undoubtedly plotting to throw holy water on my face and begin an impromptu exorcism.

I have to get out of here.

I lean into the microphone one last time, pause, then croak, “You can all go to hell!” and let tears fall that I have no power to stop.

I stumble down the aisle by every pew filled with every person I’ve ever known until I push through the heavy doors.

After being in the dimly lit church, I flinch from the brightness outside.

I hate the sun for even existing on a day like this.

Straight ahead, I see the marina and the turquoise water of the Gulf of Mexico only blocks away.

That’s where he is.

There’s no time.

I kick my heels off in the middle of the parking lot and start to run.

The hot pavement mixes with tiny rocks beneath my feet and cuts like shards of glass with every step, but I don’t care.

I don’t stop.

Not when my feet start to bleed.

Not when I hear someone yell my name.

Not when the roughness of the road turns into wooden planks of a dock beneath me.

When the planks end—I don’t hesitate—I jump.

It’s only seconds until I hit the water, my dress instantly ballooning around me like a black jellyfish as I try to paddle and kick.

My lacerated feet feel like they’ve been lit on fire by the salt water, and everything goes heavy. I barely move.

The land has an invisible leash on me and will not let go, no matter how hard I fight it. With my chin barely floating above the surface, my small tears become drops in the big ocean.

“Penelope!”

Gabe?

My head turns as he drops his suit jacket on the dock just before diving into the water.

“Go away, Gabe!” I try in vain to swim again. “I’m going to get him!”

As I shout, the taste of saltwater fills my mouth in gulps.

He’s too fast, and I’m too drunk. He catches me within seconds, hooks an arm around my waist, and drags me back to the same dock I had jumped from as I scream belligerently and thrash wildly. My elbow hits his face—blood spraying out of his nose in an instant.

I don’t know what he says because I’m yelling through sobs, water filling my ears and eyes and mouth with every word.

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