Page 2 of Shattered Vows

My mom arches an eyebrow. “A God-fearing man? Don’t you know that some of the worst predators hide behind the façade of religion? The world is a dangerous place, Rap—Lillian. In ways you can’t imagine. All I’ve ever done is try to protect you from the cruelty of this world. And what do I get for looking out for you?”

My chest tightens, and my throat closes up.

No, no, no. Not now.

I draw in a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before I let the air stream out of my mouth slowly, then repeat the process several more times.

“Look at you, sweetheart. The stress of this wedding is clearly getting to you. How are you going to handle a marriage? Even in the happiest relationships, there are difficulties and stress.” She squeezes my hands and places her cool palm on my cheek.

“I’m fine. I’ll be okay.”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, you know that, right?”

I nod. My mother has given up so much for me through the years. For her to even bring me into the world was an emotional sacrifice I’ll always be thankful for.

I’ll never forget when I was younger, pouring over our photo albums. I asked her why there weren’t any pictures of her when she was pregnant with me. She divulged that I had been the product of a sexual assault. The man who raped her was never caught, and when she found out she was pregnant, she wasn’t sure what to do. She told me that something inside her told her I was special, so she continued with the pregnancy.

She always insists that the moment she saw me, she fell in love with me, regardless of how I came into being. But there’s still a small part of me hidden in a box in a dark corner of my mind that I only take the lid off to examine every once in a while that wonders how true her words are. Every time I open that box, shame and guilt and disgust leap out at me, and I have to fight to put the lid back on. If only so I can carry on.

So yes, I know the sacrifices my mom has made for me over the years, including upending her life and moving across the country because of my screw-up four years ago. She may be entirely too overprotective, but how can I blame her after what happened to her? I always feel ungrateful and selfish when I have negative thoughts about her, so I push them away the best I can.

“I know, Mom.” I place my hand over hers where it rests on my cheek.

She slips her hand out from under mine. “You’re just going to marry Alistair and forget all about me.” Her eyes water, and she gives me her back.

“I would never do that.” I frown, unsure how to make her see that just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean I’m abandoning her. “Alistair doesn’t want me to work, so I’ll be home all the time, the same way I am now. You can come over whenever you want, and I’ll come see you.”

I have to get my driver’s license, though, otherwise I’ll be reliant on Seattle’s bus system. That makes me a little nervous since I’ve never used it.

She sniffles and lets her chin fall to her chest. “It’s not the same.”

Sobs rack her small frame, and I rush to stand in front of her, hands on her shoulders. My chest cracks in two. “Mom… what can I do?”

I knew today would be hard, for a plethora of reasons, but watching the woman who’s always looked out for me, and protected me, falling apart shreds me.

She lifts her chin, and her watery gaze meets mine, a glimmer of hope inside her dark-brown eyes. “Maybe you could talk to Alistair about having me move in with you two. That way I can look out for you when he’s at work, and when you have children, I can help you.”

Something in me withers at her suggestion—probably the hope that I could forge my own life somewhat separate from her. But then I feel like the worst person imaginable as I look at her, envisioning how hard she worked to raise me on her own, how the only thing she’s ever wanted is what’s best for me, and I can’t deny her.

I nod. “Of course,” I say in a hoarse voice. “I’ll discuss it with him tonight after the wedding.”

A pleased look crosses her face, and her tears dry up. “Wonderful. I know you’ll make him see that it’s best for everyone.” She places a quick kiss on my cheek. “I’m going to go freshen up. All this crying you’ve made me do probably made my face all puffy.”

She brushes past me and out the door, closing it behind her.

I sigh and walk back to the mirror. My nerves are replaced with disappointment.

No. I’m not going to ruin my wedding day.

Smoothing my hand down the front of my dress, I raise my chin, pushing away all the negativity. Even if my mother does move in with us, I’ll still have more freedom, more of a life than I ever did when I lived alone with her. This is still an improvement. Plus, I get to spend the rest of my life with Alistair, an honest, dependable, predictable man. Everything will be okay. Everything will work out.

The door creaks open again. I look into the mirror, ready to greet my mom, but the smile dies on my lips. It’s not her.

It’s him.

The man who, despite my best efforts, never leaves my mind.

The man who is as dangerous as the lion sleeve tattoo inked on his left arm hidden under his expensive suit.

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