Page 159 of Save Me

I glance around, but there’s no sign of the delivery guy. He knows to be quick when dropping off the meals Dae still sends every day.

For days, I started to pick up my phone to call him and demand he stop sending me food, but I convinced myself that I didn’t want to talk to him. Zero contact. That’s what I need.

As I approach the scent of garlic naan and buttered chicken, my stomach growls angrily. Another reminder that I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon. Eating takes too much energy these days.

Despite my hunger, I do with this meal what I’ve done with all the others over the past three weeks.

I toss it in the garbage.

Guilt wells in my stomach, mixing with the pain in my chest. Yes, it’s a waste of food, but I can’t willingly eat his meals.

I grab my work tablet, bag, and jacket, and head for the exit, taking James’ advice.

Minutes later, I’m in my car, pulling out of my company’s parking lot. My original intention is to go home to my apartment and close myself off from the world. But something tells me that even there, I won’t find relief.

It’s like Dae is still around. No matter where I go. Everything reminds me of him. Then there are the moments when I want to reach out for him, wishing he was still beside me or just a phone call away.

I get too wrapped up in my thoughts and know I can’t go home. I don’t want to be alone right now.

I decide to text the one person my heart yearns for right now.

Kennedy: Where are you?

Mom: Home.

Kennedy: I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.

I don’t give my mother an explanation because I don’t have the words to explain what I need or want. I’ve missed lunch with my mom and sister-in-law for three weeks because I didn’t want them to see me in this state.

I knew they would immediately notice something was wrong with me, but I don’t want to hide anymore. The weight of this burden is too much, and I need the one person I’ve always been able to confide in.

Within fifteen minutes, I’m pulling into my parents’ parking lot. With blurred vision, I hop out of my car, leaving everything behind. I punch in the house code and my thumbprint. Even that move reminds me of Dae’s home, the code he gave me and then changed so he could lock me up in his house.

The way he stole my independence that morning and manipulated my life before I was even aware he was a part of it.

All of it comes crashing down on me like a wave.

“Mom?” I call out, my voice cracking.

“Baby?” She looks at me with alarm as I burst into the living room where she sits on the couch.

She starts to rise, but I get to her first, wrapping my arms around her waist. I lay my head on her lap, keeping her seated, and let the tears flow.

For the first time in I don’t know how many years, I cry in my mother’s lap. My body shakes with my sobs that I can’t control.

“Mom,” I cry out, unable to say more.

Her hand moves to my hair, stroking it soothingly. She moves her other hand to my back, rubbing it like she did when I was sick as a little girl.

My mother doesn’t demand to know what’s wrong.

“It’s okay, baby,” she says in that voice that feels like a warm blanket after coming inside from a frigid cold.

“Let it out,” she soothes while letting me cry the tears I’ve refused to let fall over the past three weeks.

CHAPTER 47

Kennedy

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