Page 27 of Breaking the Ice

“Okay, Mom, what's going on here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don't play dumb. I want to know what's happening between Dad and you. Are you fighting?”

“Fighting? No, everything is fine between us.”

Oh yeah? Then why do I see tears welling up in her eyes? I reach across the table to take her hand. The touch makes her sniffle.

“Come on, Mom, tell me. What's going on?”

“Your father and I, we have... well, we have a few problems. Nothing dramatic. But it's bothering me a little.”

“What kind of problems?”

“Oh, as I said, nothing dramatic. It'll be fine. Let's drop the subject.” She doesn't say anything more about it, and I don't press further. I know my mother well enough to understand that she won't discuss this with me. That's how my parents have always been. No matter how bad their fights got, they never let me feel it. Admittedly, until today, I was perfectly fine with them keeping me out of their arguments. But now, seeing how desperate my mother is, I feel like I need to get involved. I'll grill Dad about it when I'm back in Portland. He's more likely to spill the beans than Mom. Whatever problem they have, it would be a surprise if there wasn't a solution.

“Okay, you don't have to talk about it. But you should know that I'm here for you if you need me,” I say softly, stroking the back of her hand. “If there's anything I can do, just let me know.” She nods and gets up to get a tissue.

“Thank you, my darling. Hey, weren't you supposed to meet Riley today?” she diverts from the topic.

“Yes, we were planning to go to the mall with Mason and get some stuff for the New Year's Eve party. Speaking of Riley; can I use your phone to call her?” I left mine in Portland. At first, I thought about asking Dad to mail it to me, but then I figured the distance from Caleb and the Devils might do me good. Now, I'm trying to get by without a phone and push away the recurring thoughts of the forward. And since nothing helps my heavy heart better than distraction, I've filled almost every free minute with plans with my friends.

“Of course, my dear.” Mom picks up her phone from the sideboard and hands it to me.

“Thanks.” I dial my friend's number and confirm our mall outing.

In the next few days, I shop extensively, dance, go to the movies, and have dinner with Riley and her quarterback, Cole. Even though I'm having a lot of fun, I can't get Caleb out of my head. I keep seeing him in front of me - how he pressed me against the glass door of the cigar shop with that intense gaze. I feel his proximity, penetrating every cell of my body. On New Year's Eve night, I dream about him. We're in front of the cigar shop again, but this time, I don't tell him to go back to Jessica; instead, I kiss him. I take what my heart desires and am rewarded with an indescribable sense of happiness. When I wake up the next morning and realize Caleb isn't by my side because I rejected him, I feel miserable. For the first time, I'm afraid I made a mistake. I think I should have let him in. Now, I've messed up and driven him back into that stupid witch's arms. My mood is at rock-bottom as I drive to Coach Klark's house for the New Year's Eve party. The old wooden house brings back memories. Man, how many times have I celebrated here with the Washington White Sharks team. The guys are almost as cool as the Devils. But only almost, I hear Toby say in my thoughts, no one is as cool as we are. I chuckle, I can't wait to go back tomorrow and see him and the others again.

“Emma, wow, you look fantastic,” Jester greets me as soon as I step through the door. As always, he has his dark brown hair tied up in a bun, which, along with his full beard, gives him a hipster look. “Can I get you something to drink? Beer, wine, champagne? I think I have a bottle of champagne in my room, actually.” He winks at me.

“No, thanks. I don't want anything.” He doesn't need to know that I hardly drink alcohol anymore after that night at the Brillant. “Have you seen Riley?”

“Yeah, she was in the backyard a little while ago. I think she's preparing some of those lanterns for midnight.”

“Thanks.” I leave my ex and go through the back door into the garden illuminated by torches. The last time I was here, I sat with Riley down by the creek and poured my heart out to her, tears streaming down my face. Today, finding her almost in the same spot, I feel like crying all over again.

“Hey, Emma, are you here to help me?”

“Sure.” I try to force a smile, which obviously fails.

“What's wrong?” Riley lets go of the lantern umbrella she's unfolding and looks at me with furrowed brows. Of course, I can't fool her. She knows me too well.

“Oh, it's nothing,” I try to downplay it anyway because I don't want to ruin her evening with my mood. “How can I help?”

“You know I won't let it go, spill it. What's on your mind?” Sighing, I look up and meet my friend's gaze. She looks beautiful with her blonde curls, big blue eyes, and that gentle expression. I know she's glowing because she's so happy with Cole. A wave of nostalgia washes over me. Something in my heart tells me I could be just as happy with Caleb.

“Emma, you...” Two rowdy football players coming out of the back door interrupt us. They sit on the bottom step and light up a cigarette, watching us with glazed eyes. “Come.” Riley takes me by the hand and leads me down the riverbank. We sit on a rock that sticks halfway out of the water. Here we're alone and can talk in peace. “So, what's going on with you? Is it about that hockey guy? Caleb?”

I look at her in surprise. While I've told her a lot about him, I've never let on that I have feelings for him. Otherwise, she would have grilled me the whole time. Or worse, suggested that he come over and celebrate New Year's with us. And that's exactly what I didn't want. I wanted distance to finally get him out of my head.

“How do you know it's about Caleb?”

“Emma, sweetheart, I've known you for almost my entire life. Do you really think I can't tell when something's bothering you?”

“Then why didn't you say anything?”

“Because I didn't want to pressure you. But I have a feeling you've been feeling worse these past few days.”

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