Page 64 of The Match

“All right, then, yes. I’d love for you to come with me.”

We continue to talk for my whole walk home, and before I know it, I’m lying on my couch and twirling my hair around my finger while Jake tells me about his day. Yes, he’s made me a hair twirler too. I’m fully aware of how annoying I am to be around now.

Finally, he asks for details about what he should wear Wednesday night and what time we need to be leaving my house to get to my parents’ place. I tell him six-thirty, to which he replies, “Great. I’ll be there at six-fifteen so I can mess up your lipstick a little before we go.”

I’m having so much fun in this flirty bubble with Jake that, at first, I don’t even realize that Charlie has suddenly stood up and come to sit in front of me, staring. It’s not a normal stare. It’s a direct look that he only ever uses when he needs my attention most. My chuckle dies out, and dread takes its place. I know this look. I’ve seen it many times.

“Hang on, Jake,” I say, and I think he can hear the worry in my voice because he starts asking if everything is okay. I ignore him and focus on Charlie, who is now whining, and I know it’s not because he needs to go potty.

Annoyed that I’m not acting on his signals, Charlie takes his alerting to the next level. He gently bites the hem of my dress and starts tugging me. I blow out a breath through my mouth, because now I’m certain that Charlie is alerting me of an oncoming seizure.

I know what he’s telling me to do. “All right, buddy, I’m coming,” I say to Charlie, and I follow our usual procedure and get down on a clear spot on the floor. I probably could lie on the couch or my bed, but I’m always worried that I’ll convulse myself out of the bed and hit my head on the floor. Living on my own, I like to be more careful than not when it comes to my seizures. So, I lie on my back and take a deep breath. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve gone through this, though, it never gets less scary.

“Jake.”

“What’s wrong, Evie?”

“Charlie just alerted me. I’m going to have a seizure.” My voice shakes even though I’m trying so hard to put on a brave face. I’m going to be okay. Charlie will watch out for me. Once I lose consciousness and begin convulsing, I know that Charlie will move me onto my side to keep me safe. He’ll go push the button on the wall that calls Jo and then come back to stay with me and lick my face to bring me back to consciousness faster. Even now, he’s going to the fridge and using the tug rope to pull it open and retrieve a water bottle for me for after the seizure.

When Jake speaks, he sounds as heavy as I feel. “How long do you think until it starts?”

“He always alerts me ten to thirty minutes before an episode.”

“Okay.” I hear him rustling papers around frantically. “I’m on my way from the office, so it won’t take me long to get there.”

“What?!” I start to sit up, but Charlie doesn’t like it and tugs me back down. I comply. “Jake, you don’t have to do that. I’ll be all right. I’ll call you later, once everything passes.”

“Evie.” His voice is deep and means business. If my heart rate wasn’t already high from nervousness, it would be elevated for a whole different reason. “I want to. Please let me come over.”

Honestly, I’m contemplating saying no. I’m nervous. What if he gets here in time to see the episode? I’ve never filmed myself, so I don’t know what I look like during a seizure, but I’ve seen it reenacted by mean boys in high school enough times to get a pretty good idea.

Jake has seen Sam’s seizures, so it won’t be totally foreign to him, but what if seeing me this way changes the way he feels about me? What if he’s less attracted to me after? Or if he realizes that I’ll just be more of a burden in his life?

These fears have all evolved out of past experiences.

The truth is, Tyler Murray and I dated from freshman to junior year of high school. And those jerks I mentioned who made fun of me for the way I convulsed during a seizure in class? Yeah, Tyler was one of them. Actually, first he broke up with me, and then he made fun of me with his buddies.

I never told my parents about that day in high school (and the weeks he spent reenacting my seizures in the hallway when I’d pass by) because I was too embarrassed—ashamed over something I couldn’t control. Shame that never should have been mine to take on.

Later, when Tyler and I graduated, and before he moved away, he tried to get back together with me (most likely because by that point his parents were convincing him of the merit of marrying a Jones), and when I turned him down because of how he treated me our junior year, he said the teasing was all good-natured fun and he didn’t mean any harm by it.

It didn’t feel good-natured to me. He’s never actually apologized for what he did. And I’m past the point of needing it. Tyler means nothing to me now and I care about his opinion as much as I care to eat dirt.

The problem is, the way I was treated in the past has stuck with me all this time, and I’m afraid that if Jake comes over and sees me in an episode, it will put an end to our relationship before it ever gets going. But then I remember my own advice to Sam. If you think that these girls will be mean to you if you have a seizure, don’t go—they’re not worth your friendship.

Jake is worth it.

I’m just about to tell him to come over when I hear Jake’s keys jingle and he says, “Like it or not, I’m on my way.”

I take a deep breath and shut my eyes. I guess that’s that, then. I put my arm over Charlie and wait.

I had a seizure; I know that much. I feel a little foggy, and my arms and legs are heavy. I’m coming out of it, but life still seems like a dream where everything is fuzzy around the edges and doesn’t make a lot of sense. I don’t know how long ago I had it, but I know that I’m in the postictal phase and that I probably won’t feel like myself again for a while. All I want to do is sleep.

Suddenly, I hear a voice. “Are we all clear, Charlie?” And I realize it’s Jake. I peek open my eyelids, but they’re so heavy. The nausea is pretty intense too, so I shut them again. “That was a good boy,” I hear Jake say, and I picture him petting Charlie’s head.

The next thing I know, there’s warmth beside my body, and Jake’s voice is close. “You’re okay, Evie. I’m here, and you’re safe. I’m going to move you up onto your bed so you’re more comfortable, okay?”

I nod slowly because, really, that’s all I can do at this moment. And then I feel Jake’s hands slide under my body and he cradles me close to his chest. He’s warm, and I wish I could stay in his arms forever. He’s like a heating pad but even better because I don’t have to plug him into the wall.

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