Page 56 of The Match

He smiles wider and shakes his head a little, stepping back and taking his fantastic body with him. With the new, cool air comes a little bit of embarrassment. I can feel that my lips are swollen, and my cheeks are warm, and just a minute ago Jake felt the need to remind me that we should take things slow . . . which means he was aware of how much I want him. That I had my blinker on and was ready to change over to the HOV lane. Move over, slowpokes.

Then again, I felt how much he wanted me too. His blinker was definitely on. And although I’m perfectly happy taking things slow with him, I also need some clarity.

“Jake.” I catch his hand before he turns away. “What are we?” Oh gosh, it’s out there now. It wouldn’t have hurt to lead up to it a little more, Evie.

His brows pull together, and a thoughtful expression clouds his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I know this is only our first date, but . . . I guess . . . I don’t know.” A+ conversational skills are happening over here. Really top-notch stuff.

The problem is, I’m scared. I’m scared that making him define the relationship will scare him off. Not only is he wonderful, but he hasn’t seemed scared of my disability at all. Granted, he hasn’t seen an episode from me yet, but I have to think he would be tender and understanding, given how he talks about Sam and her seizures. I don’t want to spook the best man I’ve ever met.

“You want to know where this is going?” he asks, and I can’t tell if he sounds hesitant or not.

“Yeah. I guess I do.”

He bites his lips together and nods. He turns away, and I worry that maybe I’ve annoyed him. But when he shuts off the burner and takes whatever has been furiously boiling off it, I realize he’s just getting settled in. He takes both of my hands, pulling me back up against his warm, solid body. I wrap my arms around his waist. I like this. I like that I get to do this. It feels natural and new—but also like we’ve been doing this forever.

Jake eyes me and fills his broad chest with air, then sighs. “I think our title would be dating. I like you. You like me. We’re making out in the kitchen but not going too fast too soon.”

If I’m doing this, I’m really doing it. “That’s still vague. What kind of dating?” I frown in thought. “I’m asking because a guy at a restaurant asked me out earlier today, and I didn’t know if I should accept or turn him down, because I wasn’t sure what this thing between us is. I know we are dating, but are we exclusive? Are we casual? Are we seeing other people?”

Jake’s brows pull together tightly. I can’t tell if he looks upset or is just giving it a lot of thought. Guarded is probably the best description. “You got asked out?”

I nod.

His eyes are fixed on me—unrelenting and not giving away an ounce of what he’s thinking. And then all at once his expression changes to something lighter. He shrugs, and suddenly he’s never had a care in the world. “We should be non-exclusive. Casual.”

Oh.

Is it wrong that this is not where I was hoping this heart-to-heart was going?

“Casual?”

“Yeah.” He smiles softly. “Like I said, I want to take this slow with you. We should just have fun and keep things light. Date. Get to know each other. But by all means, feel free to go out with other people.” He leaves my side to pull two plates down from the cupboard.

I’m staring at him numbly, trying to decide if I’m okay with this or not. But of course he wants to be casual. He’s just come out of a long relationship, and he needs some time to explore his options. It makes sense. I support it for him. The problem is how it makes me feel.

I’m not particularly comfortable in a non-exclusive relationship. It takes a lot for me to trust and open up to people—to be vulnerable with them emotionally and physically. I’m not sure that I like the idea of growing close to a man who’s keeping his options open. Maybe this means we’re in different places in life? I thought we were both feeling the same connection, but maybe it’s just attraction on his end.

Geez, this sucks. I’m crushed even though I have no right to be. I hop off the counter, just needing to escape and have a minute to let my frown loose.

Jake is moving casually around the kitchen, looking just as cool and collected as he did at the beginning of the night, and I’m pretty sure my shoulders are dragging on the floor as I walk.

“Be right back. I need to wash my hands before we eat.” No one can argue with good hygiene.

Except I think my voice might have trembled, because Jake looks over his shoulder with an inquisitive expression. I don’t wait around for him to ask me if I’m okay. I turn on my heel and make a mad dash for the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I lean against it and give myself the freedom to pout for a minute. Just one little indulgent pity party.

My mind bounces from that devastating kiss to his proposal of a casual relationship back to the kiss.

While I’m in here, I buy myself some more time by actually going to the bathroom. It’s when I’m seated on the porcelain throne that I realize my obnoxious and never-nice friend, Aunt Flo, has arrived early for her visit. Perfect! Just wonderful timing. Because guess what? I know for a fact that I don’t have any tampons on me because I forgot my purse at home.

I want to groan at the injustice of the last half hour. Thankfully, this isn’t my first rodeo. It’s not glamorous, but I know what to do here. I wrap toilet paper around my hand a few times until I’ve made a scratchy and uncomfortable pad for myself to tuck into my underwear until I can get home.

I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed that this date has to end early. On the one hand, I’m happy that I’ll have more time to think over the casual proposition, but on the other hand, I’m also sad to leave Jake. I’ve missed him this week.

CHAPTER 25

Jake

---