Page 64 of Breaker

I swallow hard and admit, "I know," making him tense, and I state, "The woman had crap aim; she was hysterical, and the things she was saying to Noah, a part of her wanted to shoot him, Alex, and where she shot me would have been the side of his head. I couldn't allow it. He-he may not be my blood, but he is mine. He's my son, my everything. I love him, Alex, and I love you. I didn't think when I heard ‘gun and yard’, and my instincts kicked in."

My tears fall as Alex places his forehead against my head and whispers, "And I love you for that. I love that you've taken on the mother role, but Goldie, you need to understand that I can't breathe without you. Yesterday, I finally understood your fear of being consumed by my love for you, because if you had left me, I would have followed you."

I shake my head and sob. "You can't say that; you have Noah…."

He cups my cheek, making me look at him before rasping, "So do you. Don't you understand, Goldie? You have me, and you have Noah, and we need you."

His lips touch mine in a soft, sweet kiss, sending tingles across my body. I can feel the love pouring off him, and I melt, gripping his chain around his neck, grateful to have this man in my life.

A few hours later, I’m leaning against Alex's chest as he plays with my fingers, his lips resting on my shoulder.

Doc has redressed my wound, and my dad has called to check-in. Knowing he's the one who did the surgery, my heart hurts. He shouldn't have had to deal with it, but Doc needed help.

Apparently, Momma wants to speak to me. She screamed the clubhouse down when Dad refused to let her in my room, but I’m not ready to see her. My fears, all of these years, all stemmed from her actions, and she didn't do what she did to me because she was heartbroken. She did what she did to get my father's attention but, when I walked into the bathroom that day, decided that turning me against him was a better idea.

I was seven. Seven!

How can I forgive her for ruining my childhood?

How can I forgive her for ruining my relationship with my father?

I know what he did was wrong. I hated him for years because of it, but over eighteen years' worth of unearned hate…? She traumatized me.

A phone pings, and Alex sighs, checking his before rasping, "Lola wants to speak to you…."

I nod. For over a month, she's been trying to talk to me, and Ken has asked for me to speak to her, which I planned on doing before this happened. In a way, I owe her a thanks for trying to ruin my reputation. I nod and state, "Okay…." before I feel him kiss my head.

A few minutes later, the door opens, and Lola walks in, looking a little scared. She takes a seat near the bed and asks, "How are you feeling?"

I smile at her and say, "A little sore."

She nods. "You were an idiot for doing that, but you were also brave. You showed everyone how much you love Noah."

Alex sighs. "Lola…."

She cuts in, "I don't mean it negatively. I just…. You two have a love that Daddy and Shelly have, a love I wished for, and you were right, Breaker, I did latch onto you. Growing up, I had a crush, then jealousy hit me when you spent most of your time with Ken, and then I got angry because you never gave me the time of day like you did her, and I felt like I wasn't seen. When our parents got together, I decided to blame your momma…my momma…. Because I didn't want to believe I was the problem. Shelly is Momma. She was the one I went to with all my problems, hair advice, and makeup advice, and because of my selfishness, I pushed her away. I just wanted someone to love me the way Daddy loves her, the way you love Quinn, and Smokey loves Liv. I-I don't want to be alone, and I thought a club brother would treat me right."

My eyes soften, and I whisper, "You won't be alone, Lola, you’ll find someone who’ll take your breath away, and love…it's not smooth sailing. Before you made your accusations against me, I was already struggling. I have a fear of being consumed by my feelings for another person, because of trauma caused by my parents. And Alex…he held onto me tightly. When you find the one you truly love…." I smile and admit, "It's going to scare the living shit outta you, but jealousy isn't the feeling you'll feel. You’ll feel consumed, and the feeling of loss, when they're not around, will overcome you."

She laughs a little, wiping away some tears, and whispers, "I'm so sorry for the trouble I caused."

I smile before admitting, "If I'm honest, if you hadn't gone to the school and caused me to look for a different job, then everything that has unfolded between Alex and me, between my dad and me, most likely would not have happened. So, if you want to make yourself feel better, think of it that way; you brought the two men I love back to me."

She lets out a sob as Alex holds me tighter. He turns to her, and rasps, "You made a mistake; you got angry and confused. It's in the past, Lola. Move on from this, and try and find someone that's not in an MC. We both know Dad won't allow it anyway."

She shakes her head. "I caused so much trouble for you two, for Noah at school, and for Momma."

Alex sighs. "Lola, look at me." She does. She looks up with tears coating her cheeks, and he rasps, "You are my sister. That is how I look at you, which means I can easily forgive you. Momma loves you like her own, so she never told Dad half the stuff you said or caused, and Noah sees you as an aunt."

I cut in, "Yeah, and I was shot, so let's just move on. Life’s too short."

She giggles and wipes her tears. "I don't want to be let off easy."

Alex smiles. "You were banned from the club and all activities, so you've missed out on years of that mother-daughter bonding with Momma. Dad cut you off, forcing you to get a job at the bar while in college, and I'm pretty sure Kennedy chewed you a new one after Noah was hurt. Coming from experience, Ken can be vicious, so I think you've suffered. Let's move on, and maybe, when this one agrees to marry me, you'll be a bridesmaid."

Lola's eyes light up as I snort. "You need to ask me first." Lola and Alex chuckle, though guilt still shines in her eyes, which, to me, is a good sign. She cares and is remorseful.

After staying an hour, Lola leaves, and Alex and I were quiet for a few minutes. Then I ask, "Are we going to talk about the cut laying on me or just ignore it?"

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