Page 52 of Breaker

Quinn

I grip my phone as I pace my nearly empty living area.

Everything has been shipped with the help of my dad, with whom I have slowly become close with again. Momma wants to speak to me, but I'm just not ready. It's hard to understand her thought process all those years ago. My heart beats for Alex, but the thought of traumatizing Noah as punishment for his father makes me physically sick.

I've been seeing a therapist to help with my fears over my feelings of emotional attachment. I've had days where I can't breathe at the thought of giving myself fully to Alex, then days where I physically break down at the thought of losing him. Still, my dad has been the one who brings me back each time. If I call, he'll answer immediately or as soon as he's done with a patient.

This is the relationship I've wanted but couldn't have, because I blamed him for my trauma when, in reality, Momma wanted to use me to punish him. In doing so, she punished me, too.

I check my phone again, and nothing.

Dammit…. Maybe I'm too late?

I shake my head and begin pacing again. Every day, with with my dad's and therapists' encouragement, I message Alex, and even Jack jumped on the train to get me to open up more to Alex, and let him know that he owns me.

Even if it scares me.

I bit the bullet, so to speak, and sent him a message about ten minutes ago, telling him that I am in love with him, because the idea of saying it to his face scares me. I've finally opened my heart to him, and he's not messaging me back.

Is it because I took the coward's way out?

I'm supposed to be leaving in two days, but I can't leave until I know that we're definitely over, that there's no coming back for us because of my problems, and that he doesn't want me anymore, preferring others. What he did with that girl doesn't count; I ended things, and just like my dad said, I hurt him.

I shake my head and groan, contemplating burying my head in a hole.

Maybe he doesn't love me like I thought?

Just as the stupid thought hits me, my phone rings, making me jump. I scramble to grip the device before checking the caller's I.D., but I scowl, seeing that it's only Shelly.

I groan and answer it.

"Hey, Shell, can we do the whole 'don't leave' speech later?" I say but freeze as her sobs hit my ears.

"It's Noah. He had a fall and is on his way to the E.R. Crow and I are following."

Tears hit my eyes, and I hang up without saying anything, before grabbing my keys and rushing out of my apartment, needing to get to the hospital.

Ten minutes later, and I'm pretty sure I got myself a speeding ticket via those red light cameras—not that I give a shit—and I run through the E.R. following the sounds of Noah's cries.

"Mommy, I want my mommy…."

My heart pounds.

Is he talking about Jingles?

Without thinking, I rush into his cubicle as my phone rings. I ignore it and make eye contact with Alex, who looks ready to break, his phone to his ear.

Noah cries again, "Momma!" We all look at him only to see his eyes on me, his hands making grabby motions for me, and my tears fall.

He thinks of me as his momma….

Snapping out of my shock when he cries grow louder, I rush toward him as Crow moves out of the way, making room for me. I notice a nurse trying to hold pressure to the right side of his head, and panic hits me. When I'm near his hands, he grips Alex's hoodie to hold me close as I gently cup his cheek. My right hand, which thankfully is healed, grabs Alex's, needing his touch.

"Momma…." Noah cries as he tries to push the frazzled-looking nurse away.

"I'm here, baby, I'm here…." I whisper as I place my hand on the gauze, causing the nurse to let go and Noah to stop struggling. The nurse furrows her brows, her eyes going to Alex, making my jealousy rise, and I mutter to her, "He doesn't like women around his dad."

She scowls and states, "She's near him," nodding to Shelly, who grins despite the fear in her eyes, then states, "And so are you."

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