Page 19 of Midlife Woes (Ex)

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KEVIN

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“What changed?I thought you were going to give me some time, judge?”

“Yeah, well, someone has been sniffing around this case, and if there’s an investigation, it could mean both our asses. Take the loss, son; there’s nothing more you can do.” He just hung up the phone and hung me out to dry.

Is my life really over? Is this the end of us? Why do I feel like it’s just another day? The sky outside looks the same, the air coming through the air conditioner vent sounds the same, and even the voices of the hospital staff as they filter down the hall seem like any other day.

I couldn’t move and almost couldn’t feel my legs before they started shaking. What the hell have I done? What have I really done? Did I really think I could get away with it? That I could fuck around and just go back to things the way they were?

Yeah, because I didn’t expect my wife to find out. There was no reason for her to. Not unless someone intentionally did that shit, and from the way Anne has been acting lately, I’m kinda leaning toward her being the culprit.

Because of some things I’d only just overheard, right before he called while standing outside the hospital room door, I’m almost certain she did it, that the two of them, she and her mother, had purposely let slip that I was sleeping with her, and I now know that it was to get back at my wife for some perceived slight.

I stood out there, trying to hear more, but they lowered their voices. Then my phone vibrated, and when I saw who it was, I walked away to take the call. Now I’m standing here feeling numb with none of the joy and excitement I’d felt before this hell became my life.

I don’t even love this girl. We have nothing in common; how can we when she’s just barely out of high school while I’ve been raising a family and have kids who are all older than she is?

Did I really think I could relive my high school days? Was that it? Did I expect to go back to one of the happiest times of my life and relive it all again? If so, I’d missed a step because the person beside me who had made that time as glorious as it was was the person I was about to lose.

I lost sight of that. The fact that it was having her in my life that had made it so special. The fact that all my best memories were with her and the love we shared. Does this mean that Jo no longer loves me?

That she’s not just being mad and hurt because of the affair? I thought for sure that once the anger faded, she would see sense and accept that it wasn’t worth it to throw away the life we’d built together.

Until now, until that phone call, I think I really did believe there was a chance that we could come back from this. I made myself believe that she loved me too much to just walk away over a stupid mistake.

I looked back at the hospital room door and walked in the opposite direction. I don’t want this. I don’t want any of this. My heart was hurting so bad I had to rub my chest, and when I got into my car, I had to sit there for a while before I could turn the key in the ignition.

Things that had been muddled for the last little while became much clearer. Now, there were no clouds and no doubts about what I wanted, but I think it might be too late.

Not only that, but it seemed I had thrown my life away for someone who didn’t even want me; she just wanted to hurt my wife. I’m not sure how to feel about that, but this day has been one of awakening. I must’ve had blinders on before, I guess, not to see what was right in front of me.

From what little I’d overheard, it would appear that the whole thing was planned between mother and daughter. Her coming to work for me was not by chance; it was a setup from beginning to end.

The worst part is coming to terms with the fact that it worked and that they knew it would. What does that say about me? What was it about me that made them so sure I’d give in?

JOLENE

Isat staring at the wall after the call from my lawyer. I looked forward to this day for so long, but now that it was here, I wasn’t sure how I felt. There was numbness, sorrow, fear, and so much more that I can’t put into words.

I was still sitting in a daze ten minutes later when the doorbell rang. I opened it and was surprised to see who was standing there. “Daddy?” It has been a while since my parents came all the way out here from their vacation place in the boondocks.

We talk every day on the phone, so they know what’s been going on in my life, but I didn’t expect them to make the trek out here, especially in the middle of his vacation. “May I come in?”

“What kinda question is that, Daddy? Of course, you can come inside.”

I stepped out of the way, and he followed me inside to the kitchen, where I headed for the coffee pot out of habit. “You hungry, Daddy? Should I fix you something?”

“Stop fussing about and sit down. Where’s your staff?”

“They’re gone for the day. There isn’t really much for them to do, so I let them leave by noon most days.” He nodded his head and accepted his coffee, which was made just the way he liked it. Cream and a shit ton of sugar.

“So, what brings you here?”

“Your mama has been keeping me up to date with what’s been going on with you and Kevin.” Oh no, please don’t try to convince me of anything because I’m already feeling raw as it is.

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