Page 17 of Midlife Woes (Ex)

“Jo? You’re still calling her by that pet name?” Of all the things to get upset about at a time like this, she would latch onto that. What the hell had I gotten myself into here anyway? The more time goes by, the more I realize what a colossal mistake I had made.

What happened to those feelings of excitement I had in the beginning? That adrenaline rush that had spurred me on to have the affair. How come it all seems to have disappeared now that things were out in the open? Was it just the chase, then? Just the sneaking around and getting away with something I shouldn’t? Isn’t that a bit childish in hindsight?

“Listen, I keep telling you, Jolene and I were together for a very long time; you can’t expect me to just forget everything about her overnight, so stop acting like a spoilt child and focus on what’s going on here. Now, who attacked you? Because it wasn’t Jolene.” I wanted to say that we’d done enough to my poor wife already, but I knew that that would only cause bigger issues.

I knew also that it was her mother in her ear egging her on with this foolishness. Something I didn’t take into consideration was the fact that I’d be dealing with Marly now that I was involved with her daughter. How I could overlook that fact was anyone’s guess, but I never expected things to go this far or for anyone to learn about the affair, so there’s that.

But forget all that; this new development is only adding more fuel to the fire that’s already burning out of control. Something else I realize: I’ve never felt so alone. Not even my mother was here. I’ve been to this hospital a handful of times in the past, all surrounding the birth of my children or when one of them had to get patched up for some reason or another.

Each time, there was someone there to hold my hand, if only just figuratively. Dad would be the first one breaking down the door, getting after the staff about seeing to his grandkids or daughter-in-law, but now I’m stuck here with Marly the harpy and her incessant nagging about my wife.

“She told you who attacked her, who else could it be if not that bitch?” I bit my tongue to keep myself from defending Jo again because that only seemed to ignite whatever madness these two had going on in their heads.

“The cops already talked to her and cleared her, so it obviously wasn’t her.”

“Well, then she paid someone to do it.”

“Jolene is not that type of person; now, enough of this, or I’m out of here.”

“You see, Mom, he’s still defending her; he’s still in love with her.”

Anne rolled to her side away from me, and I wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs that, yes, I still loved my wife and hated what had become of my life. That this was all a mistake, and I wish I had never been as stupid as I had been. But what purpose would that serve? Where would I be then?

It was obvious that Jo had no intention of forgiving me. I saw it in her eyes the last time we spoke. She was well and truly done, and all I was doing was prolonging the inevitable. But a man had a right to fight to hold on to what was his, didn’t he? And Jo and the kids are mine.

Forget the stupid house, the money, the assets, all of it. Those things seem so empty and insignificant now, with the prospect of losing the people I love most staring me in the face. Men are liars.

All those men walking around with their new shiny wives and seemingly second chances at life are nothing more than shells of their former selves, just pretending to enjoy their new life because what else were they supposed to do after upsetting the apple cart?

No one wants the world to know that they’re a bungling idiot. That they were nothing more than the dog with a bone, who’d lost the best of everything to gain nothing in return. Either that, or I have gone about this whole thing all wrong. It can’t be that I’m the only one who’d come to this realization.

And now she expects me to never speak of my wife again in a pleasant tone? She expects me to forget the best years of my life as if they never happened. To wipe clean every memory I have of the past twenty-something years. How stupid are these two women?

JOLENE

“I’m sorry about what happened.”

“What’re you talking about?” I knew he was up to something the way he kept puttering around my kitchen instead of taking his stink ass off somewhere. I’d heard him come in last night and walk to my door, but he knew better than to bother me after I didn’t answer him when he asked if I was still up.

This morning looked so different than usual. Before the mess he’d made, we would sit here and enjoy our breakfast together while talking over our plans for the day. There was no animosity then, no anger, no hate. Now, those things are heavy in the air, and I hate that I have to acknowledge him in any way, but for the sake of my kids, I’ll bite my tongue.

That was one of the conclusions I’d come to last night. My anger at him had caused me to act in ways that were foreign to me, and without realizing it, I was becoming someone I was not proud of. That was giving him and that little girl he was running around with too much power. That being said, I have no plans of being his buddy.

“I know the cops came to question you yesterday; I didn’t know she was going to do that. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

I wasn’t sure how to answer him or if I wanted to. I didn’t realize we were at the point in this fiasco where he could discuss his floozy in my damn kitchen.

I didn’t even bother answering him; I just got up and walked away because, seriously? What the fuck? “Jolene!”

“Fuck off!” Yup, I’m going to start acting like that grown-up any day now.

“Are you planning to be like this for the rest of our lives?”

“Actually, no, I’m waiting for you to get out of my house so I can start living my new life.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but take a guess. Thank the Lord I had my kids young; now I can party like a rockstar.” I don’t even know what the hell that means, but I’ve heard the kids saying it, and it seemed to fit.

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