Page 15 of Midlife Woes (Ex)

I have to say, Kevin couldn’t have chosen a better time to show his ass. My kids are grown and out of the house, probably never to return except for holidays and the odd weekend since I expect that they’d want to move on and have their own lives after college is done.

Not that I plan on closing my doors to them; this will always be their home. But they’re grown enough, and I raised them well enough that they should be fine on their own. Don’t think that I’m cold-hearted or heartless, which is what Kevin had claimed this morning before he left.

Yes, every morning now, there’s something else going on with him. It started ever since I moved out of the bedroom and stopped even looking in his direction. The more he rants and raves, the firmer I become in my conviction not to acknowledge him, but he doesn’t know that, so it’s a daily show.

Then, he’d return in the evenings for round two. Speaking of which, there’s no reason I need to be here for that. What the hell have I been thinking? There’s no reason for me to stay home at all if I don’t want to. I could hop in my car and go wherever the wind takes me if I so wish, so why am I hanging around the house all day like a bird with clipped wings?

It's amazing how the mind works. It puts everything in place bit by bit, each little thing in its own compartment before moving on to the next. All you have to do is stay still and let the mind do its thing without any interference from you, and it’ll all fall into place.

Now, where can I go and have a quiet evening all to myself? I wouldn’t be calling Sheila because Jonathan was back from his business trip, and it would be selfish of me to interfere. Besides, maybe it’s time I started keeping my own company sometimes; it’s something I’ll have to get used to.

The idea of getting dressed and going out was both daunting and exhilarating. This would be the first time ever in my life that I was doing this. There was always someone else with me, no matter where I was going. If not Kevin, then one of the kids.

As I went upstairs to my closet, it felt strange, and I think that is when it really hit me that I was no longer a married woman. I no longer had to think of anyone else other than myself.

I’m not gonna lie; I felt a little pang, but that was more for my kids than myself. Even though they’re grown, no one wants a broken home. But beneath all that, I was genuinely beginning to feel a spark of excitement for what was to come, and I felt very proud of myself.

* * *

KEVIN

* * *

Nothingabout this is turning out the way I expected. Look, I’m not the first man to grow tired of what he had at home and look elsewhere for some quick relief. Other men’s wives had forgiven them and moved on, especially when there were kids involved. Some women knew to look the other way and keep their mouths shut.

I could’ve gone that route and was more than ready to stay married to Jolene while having a bit of fun on the side, but Anne had wanted more. I know what people would say, that I’m a fool for taking up with someone half my age, but they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Things with Jolene had changed a lot in the last few years. She’d gone from being my wife to the mother of our kids as she tried to get them ready for the real world. I didn’t resent that, but I felt neglected. Like the life I’d signed up for had been sidelined without me being warned that it was going to happen.

It had been a while since we’d done the things we used to do when we were kids, when we first fell in love, and I missed that. Okay, Jolene never turned me down for anything, and she was always there by my side, cheering me on in whatever endeavor I wanted.

She’s an exceptional mother, too, I can say that. But there was something missing when it came to us. Something I hadn’t noticed until I hired Anne, and things got close between us. It didn’t start out as an affair, just two people talking and making time with each other at the office.

She was the kid sister of one of my son’s best friends, is the way I saw her. Our families weren’t exactly close outside of that because Jolene and Marly never got along. I didn’t know until lately that it was because Preston still had a crush on my wife, something I thought was long gone since high school.

Anyway, I saw Anne as little more than a child at first, but then things started changing about the third or fourth week she was here. I don’t even remember how it happened; it was so subtle. We were joking and laughing in the office, the only ones there since everyone else had gone for the day, and Anne was just there finishing up some stuff.

I don’t recall who kissed who first or what led up to that first contact, but I remember the electricity that ran through my body at the time. That feeling of coming alive still lingered days after. And the sex was like reliving my youth all over again. A tight young body that hadn’t had kids and bore no wear and tear from life.

It was a heady feeling those first few weeks, especially when no one else knew what was going on. I looked forward to coming to work more than I had in quite some time, but I was sure to keep my excitement contained, especially at home, because I wasn’t sure what I wanted at that time.

There were days I felt guilty and days when I felt like I hated Jolene for existing and being in the way of my happiness. Some days, I imagined life without Jolene, and that wasn’t too pleasing either. So, then I thought, why not have both?

No one had to know about the affair, and I could carry on having the best of both worlds. A wife who loved and adored me, who had given me kids and a home that any man could be proud of, and a new hot lover on the side who only wanted to have mind-blowing sex with me.

But somehow, things didn’t turn out that way. For one, Jolene seemed to find out about the affair long before I knew that she did, so that when I was forced to ask for a divorce, she just agreed. I hadn’t even meant it then, even though Anne was in my ear begging me to leave my wife and family.

I thought I had things pretty much under control by then and was more than capable of stringing them both along for as long as I wanted. By then, I’d come to realize that I still had feelings for Jolene, granted it wasn’t the fiery passion I’d felt for her when we were teens, but there was still something deep and abiding there that I didn’t want to lose.

Sex with my wife was still amazing as well when I compared the two, just different. With Jolene, my heart and emotions were always tied up in everything we did together, while with Anne, there was nothing but physical lust that burned hot and had become very addictive.

When I first started hearing the whispers, my only thought was keeping them away from my wife, but then she started acting strange, and I suspected that she knew or suspected something. But when I asked for a divorce, and she just agreed, that was the shock of a lifetime.

I never expected it; I expected her to fight for us, at the very least. The woman I know is very family-oriented, not to mention forgiving, loving, and kind. I thought asking for the divorce would jolt her out of whatever headspace she was in and show her that her behavior was leading us down the wrong path, but her ready acceptance threw a wrench in the works, and I haven’t been able to recover since.

I play golf with the judge most weekends and was able to buy myself some time, but if word gets out about that, we’d both be in trouble, and time is running out with no let-up in sight. Jolene has dug her heels in and refuses to budge an inch, and my whole world is burning down around me.

My kids stopped accepting my calls, and now my own father seems to have turned on me. The only one still on my side is Mom, but it’s always been that way. She’s always been my biggest advocate, and she hates Jolene, so there is that.

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