Page 146 of Lethal Danger

Thanks to the way Jazz had rejected them, they wouldn’t want to help her now even if they knew the bind she was in.

Another thunderous boom quaked the sky, shaking the ride more than before.

No, that wasn’t the thunder. The ride had started. It was beginning the slow swing that would stay horizontal with the ground at first, then lift higher and higher until the upswing turned the long, dragon-shaped gondola vertically and then upside down.

Jazz and the girl would probably fall out at vertical, given that Uncle Pierce had put them in seats at the front end.

Jazz peered down through the rain, trying to see Uncle Pierce. At least it had taken him a while to figure out how to operate the ride. Not that it mattered. No help would come.

A whimper beside her caught her attention.

She looked at the girl in the seat next to her. The girl’s straight blond hair was darkened, soaked, and plastered to her head. She puffed air through her nose like she was struggling to breathe, probably thanks to the panic that reflected in her eyes.

Poor kid. Jazz hadn’t even been able to get her name or find out what she was doing there. How had she gotten involved in this mess?

If Jazz hadn’t been so blindsided by Uncle Pierce being the real kidnapper, she probably could’ve freed the girl. And herself.

But the shock had numbed her brain as she’d tried to process what was happening. And the few times she had thought of using her knife or martial arts on him later, she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t hurt her own uncle, her only living family member.

What a moron. Everything was lost, and she was still trying to hang on to some hope. Some dream that she could belong with Uncle Pierce someday if she kept him alive. When would she get it?

No one wanted her. She would never belong with anyone.

Even as she reminded herself of the truth, her heart squeezed in protest and a rebellious hope at the back of her mind said it couldn’t be true.

Was she really so desperate that she’d rather believe she had a chance with a murderer than believe no one would ever want her?

Yes, she was. She knew because she didn’t care that the gondola was swinging wider and higher. She knew because she didn’t care she’d fall to her death soon, and it would all be over. She’d rather have that than keep living this painful, lonely life, unwanted and unclaimed by the world.

The world. What was it Cora had said in that quote from the Bible? It was one Jazz thought she had heard at church when her aunt and uncle had taken her. And seen on billboards sometimes. Something about God loving the world so much that He gave His Son to give people eternal life.

Did that mean He might love Jazz? She wasn’t even sure He existed, so it was a pointless question.

But her mind worked to recall the other Bible quote anyway, the one she’d seen written in Cora’s perfect calligraphy. The one that had creeped her out in a way.

She tried to remember why as the gondola swung high enough for her stomach to lift a bit on the downward plummet.

That was it. The quote had said, You are mine.

She didn’t know why she’d thought that was creepy. Wasn’t that exactly what she wanted? Someone to love her so much that they wanted to claim her as their own?

She tried hard to picture the other words swirled on the notecard. Fear not, then something about being redeemed, and…I have called you by name.

What was left of her broken heart ached at the words.

Cora often called God her father. What would it be like to have a father to call Jazz by name and claim her as his own family? It would be…heaven.

I want that. Her lips tried to form the words before she remembered they were taped shut. Could she talk to God without speaking? She hoped so, because with the gondola swinging higher, this would be her last chance.

God, if You can hear me this way, can You tell me if I can be Yours? Can You call me by name and want to keep me and love me? I want to belong to You. Forever. I want to be loved by You like Nev says You love her and take care of her. Nobody else wants me, God.

Hot tears tumbled from her eyes, mingling with the rain that already soaked her cheeks. Nev says even if we’ve messed up, You’ll forgive us if we ask and believe in You.

So I’m asking, God. I pushed everyone away who might’ve loved me because I was scared. I was stupid and wrong. And now I’m paying for it. And this poor girl beside me is paying for it.

I’m so sorry, God. Will You please forgive me?

Wind blew stronger in her face as the gondola swung upward.

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