Page 62 of Upon Shattered Bonds

“I took Luther at his word. The stories he spun, the horrors he painted: all I wanted to do was save those kids. Zeke, I helped him smuggle twelve children to other clans he promised had loving parents.” A bitter laugh. “In reality, it was just the clans or couples that paid him with merjha weaponry.

“When I went to check on one of the children I’d placed, I found the truth,” Nina continued. “The only reason he’d ever wanted me—was interested in me—was purely because of my gifts. My Voice. I was simply too blinded by pride to see it.”

The remorse he heard in her voice made him physically ill, but Zeke was struck mute, unable to respond. His head swam, and stars dappled the corners of his vision. Before he could formulate a reply, Nina continued.

“Luther spun a fallacy about abused kids and I didn’t even bat an eye. I was so concerned about their wellbeing that I didn’t stop to think about whether or not it was true—in my mind, he’d never lie to me. Me, of all people,” Nina scoffed. “I promised myself I’d never use the gift again unless lives were at stake. I’ve tracked down every child I took from their homes—every single one—and returned them to their proper families. But it’s not enough—and it never will be.”

For a moment, all Zeke could do was fixate on what she’d said: that she’d taken children from their parents. It was a horrible, gut-wrenching crime, and one that he couldn’t fathom falling prey to. The agony those parents must’ve faced in the aftermath—knowing their child was gone.

Tears dripped down Nina’s face, and Zeke pulled himself back to their conversation. She’d said that she’d returned those children to their families, had fought to reclaim them from the homes they’d been sold to.

She’d righted her wrong—or attempted to.

“Nina, you were deceived. You did what you had felt was for the best of the children. Anyone would have ridden to their rescue if they had heard of the abusive situation.” She sniffed, and he pressed forward. “Don’t let one bad moment influence your entire life.”

Something like pity jaded her expression. “My one bad decision influenced hundreds of lives, Zeke. Those kids—Luther traded them for merjhas, selling them on the black market like they were currency. Children, Zeke. And they were put in that position because of my actions.”

Zeke had always disliked Luther, but now, the impulse to dig up the man’s remains and set them aflame was nearly insurmountable. He’d met him only once, and that had been enough. It’d been a gathering of sovereigns nearly two centuries ago. Knowing the connection that bound Zeke and Nina together, Luther had deliberately brandished Nina in front of him.

The villain’s snide smile had been a taunting reminder that Nina was Luther’s consort, while Zeke purposefully remained at arm’s length. Every word out of his mouth had been a cutting remark or a blatant reminder that Nina had chosen Luther instead of Zeke. It’d taken everything in him to maintain cordiality.

“I am not—I’m not a good person, Zeke.” The words were a whisper between them, a sudden timidity caving her shoulders in. “Luther’s manipulation should never have succeeded. He convinced me that children were in danger, and I believed him. I didn’t verify what he said, because I was too prideful to believe that he would lie to me.”

Zeke’s head dropped, unable to bear the look of shame on her features. A visible shudder wracked through her body. Even though he yearned to reach out to her, to enclose her in the protective shield of his own body and tell her it wasn’t her fault, he knew she wouldn’t accept the comfort. So, he resisted.

Barely.

“After I killed Luther, I had to find a way to live with myself. I threw myself into tracking down those kids, and when I’d returned all of them to their families, I went after the merjha market. Those five in my armory, those are just the latest in a long line of weapons I’ve confiscated.”

Zeke was horrified. “Did you tell anyone you were doing this? Did you have any backup?”

“It was dangerous. There was no way I was going to involve my family,” she replied, lifting her chin. “They would’ve tried to talk me out of it, or interfered, and I wouldn’t risk them. Besides, I no longer trust my own decisions. So, I distanced myself from everyone: my clan, my fledglings, even my brothers.

“Every time I turned around, someone was asking my opinion or looking for advice. They’d come to rely upon me for that, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like anything I told them would be poison.”

“But the council, the Peace Accords, your clan—”

“Were all left in other people’s hands,” she reiterated. “The council was never mine; it was Drake’s and Kane’s. With the Peace Accords, I was the moderator—specifically not one of the Raeth representatives. And my clan, well, Kaien was left in charge for a reason.”

The missing century sat heavy between them, but he was still processing what she’d told him when she began speaking again.

“Zeke, you—you’re so honorable and loyal and generous,” she whispered. “I was blind to not see it earlier.”

He shook his head. “Both of us are at fault here, Nina, not just you. I should’ve revealed Izzy’s story to you a long time ago. If I’d explained it better, if I’d tried harder, we wouldn’t be in this mess and that beast wouldn’t had been able to ruin your life.”

“But Zeke, that’s the point of it: we are not the same person. You don’t deserve to be tied to someone who could do such terrible things.” She placed her hand over his heart. “You deserve so much more.”

“Nina—”

She stopped him. “We’re both strong, and if we mate, our combined abilities would make us even more dangerous. I can’t allow myself to be manipulated by anyone again.”

Aghast, he growled, “I would never lie to you.”

But he wouldn’t convince her. Sorrow washed over her face, an apology on her tongue. “I know. I know. But Zeke, I can’t be put in a position where I drag you down. I can’t. I have to be able to separate myself. I can’t be your mate.”

And there it was: a finality that was cut and dry. In black and white. No returns. Closing his eyes, Zeke swayed on his feet. The blood drained from his head as he fought to stay standing against sudden lightheadedness.

I can’t be your mate.

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