Page 42 of Haunted

“Yes,” Mother Siana says. “She would be left unto herself. Still a Dark Emrys, but she could act with her own agency.”

“You’re saying that every action is not her own?”

“He is in ultimate control. She is well aware of what she does, but everything is his will.”

Does she know her own emotions? Her own heart? How can I trust anything she’s shared with me, every vulnerable moment in which she’s shown me a part of herself? Was it real at all? Do I care for her enough to take the chance that whatever’s going on between us is real?

It’s not real.

I do not have feelings for her.

I have an obsession for her.

If I take her place, what will become of my purpose, my duties, those I care about?

Neifion, what choice do I make? I could free her. I could free us all, but at a price.

Is it a price you’re willing to pay? he asks.

I can’t stop wanting her. I need her.

She’s a sickness. If you break the Dark Master’s hold on her, then you can free all the regions. This will accomplish what Siarl and the other lords want, without the bloodshed that’s planned.

I know, I say. But I would be betraying her at the same time.

Whose side are you on?

The side of right. The side of freedom. The side without slaughter and torture.

Then go through with it, Neifion says.

I take a deep breath as I search my feelings. The objective has always been to undo the empress, to take away her power. This is the way.

I look at Mother Siana. “How do I become this vessel?”

32

Mother Siana tells me of the way into the prison that holds the Dark Master. She tells me of the trials I must pass, of the sacrifices I must make inside the winding, endless tunnels in the volcanic mountain.

The price is steep. I might die in the effort, because in taking the power from the empress, my body might not survive the transition. Or the Dark Master might reject me as the vessel altogether. But in attempting to free her, the act of just trying to take her place will force his essence from her.

So I must try.

It’s no longer about me or my feelings for the empress. I must remember my ultimate design. Free the people. Freeing the empress for my own selfish purposes, and for her, will be a welcome addition.

I’m torn. My soul, confused. She is deceitful. Wicked. How can I even believe that freeing her will redeem her? She can’t possibly change, can she?

Her mother seems hopeful.

There is always hope.

I think about this too long, long after I leave Siana’s chambers. The sun will lighten the sky soon. In my exhaustion, I curse my role, my mission. No one knows how much pressure I’m under on a daily basis. It takes massive amounts of control to cloak true emotion and thoughts from those around me.

As I do every night, I begin priming my mind before falling asleep to create an unlockable prison for those the empress might send to probe my thoughts.

Right when I hit the apex of falling asleep, the bed depresses around me as someone climbs onto it.

My eyes snap open; I’m wide awake.

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