Page 86 of Left on Read

He lowered his hands. “I went to the club with Ryan.”

“When?”

“A few weeks ago, on Saturday night.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Okay?” He gaped at me. “You’re fine with that?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I just invited you to come watch me dance. Why would I care that you already did?”

“But I canceled on you, then I went to watch you at work. That’s not okay.”

“Why not? You obviously felt better. Why would I be mad you didn’t stay locked up in your house just because you happened to have a headache earlier?”

“I didn’t really have a headache,” he mumbled, his eyes on my thigh.

“I’m not following,” I said slowly, trying to keep up with the conversation.

“I woke up with a headache, but it went away before we were supposed to meet up.”

“I’m still not following.”

“I lied to you, canceled on you, then stalked you at work.” He blinked at me. “How are you not livid?”

“Because you’re allowed to cancel on me for whatever reason you want. And coming to see me dance at the public club I work at after I told you about my job isn’t stalking.”

“Are you even real?” Hayden looked scandalized now.

I glanced down at my body. “Yeah. At least I think so. One of the guys at work told me about this theory that we’re all just simulations being run by a supercomputer powered by some master species that uses us for energy or something, and none of us actually exist. But I’m not sure I buy that.”

“I…I’m so confused. I’ve been twisting myself up for weeks over this, and you’re not mad.”

“Not at all. I’m curious why you canceled. You don’t have to tell me, but if I did something, or?—”

“You didn’t,” he said quickly. “I just…”

“Is this why you’ve been different?” I asked carefully.

I’d noticed a change in him, and it had started around that time. He’d reverted to being reserved and shy around me, especially any time we messed around, but had slowly loosened up the more time we spent together. I’d assumed it was because of the extra stress he’d been under, but now it was looking like I’d been wrong.

He nodded, his eyes wide and a bit glassy. He blinked rapidly, like he was clearing his vision.

One thing I’d figured out about Hayden was that he always tried to cover up his negative emotions and couldn’t accept help until he was ready to talk about what he was feeling. Pushing him only made him shut down.

“Do you want to tell me what happened? Why you needed to cancel?” I asked when he didn’t say more. Was he ready to talk about it?

“I feel so stupid,” he whispered.

“You’re not. I promise I’ll never get mad at you for your feelings or how you react to something.”

He pulled in a deep breath. “I know. You’re like, the most understanding person on the planet.” He looked away. “It was the phone thing,” he mumbled, his words slurring together.

“The phone thing? Like what we did the night before?” Dread filled my gut.

That night on the phone had been one of the most intense—and best—sexual experiences of my life. Knowing he trusted me enough to let me direct him like that, to see him when he was at his most vulnerable, wasn’t something I took lightly. I knew he was self-conscious and didn’t like seeing himself on video, but he’d seemed to come into himself the more we got into it.

I thought he’d enjoyed it as much as I did. Had I been wrong? Did I coerce him into it because I’d been so lost in my own lust I didn’t see that he wasn’t comfortable?

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