Page 88 of Left on Read

It was crushing to have your feelings dismissed by the people who were supposed to be there for you. I’d had a really hard time controlling my emotions as a kid and had been prone to outbursts and meltdowns. My parents’ method of dealing with them was to send me to my room until I calmed down enough to apologize for disrupting things.

Zane was the only reason I’d learned to work through them and why they weren’t as much of a problem when I got overwhelmed as an adult. He’d never let me struggle alone.

It hurt my heart that Hayden hadn’t had that.

“Before Ryan, I didn’t have a best friend.” He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. “I had school friends, but no one I could talk to about real stuff. I essentially grew up as an only child because all my siblings were out of the house by the time I was nine, and my parents were never around, so I spent most of my time alone. It made me a little too independent, and I now shut people out instead of leaning on them.”

I pressed my knee against his. He laughed nervously and looked up, the glassy quality gone from his eyes. “Wow. That was a lot of words. Hello trauma dump.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Is something else bugging you?” I asked carefully. I knew he was probably still off after telling me about his asshole ex and now his family, but it felt like there was more on his mind.

“It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re the furthest thing from stupid. You can tell me.”

“Are you still talking to other people on Singles?” He peeked at me through his lashes.

“No,” I said. “You’re the only person I’ve ever talked to on there.”

He stilled, a mess of emotions crossing his features so quickly I could barely pinpoint them all. Shock, confusion, a little suspicion, and finally, understanding were the most prominent, but a few others slipped past.

“Right. Because you weren’t looking for a date.” He shot me a crooked grin. “That wasn’t a real profile.”

“Well, yeah. But I only ever talk to one person at a time, so I still would have only talked to you, real profile or not.”

“Really?”

“I’m not wired like that.” I shrugged. “I can’t talk to multiple people at the same time. That’s why online dating doesn’t really work for me. If I find someone I like, they’re the only one I want to talk to, so I don’t engage with anyone else. I haven’t even opened the app since we switched to text. I only kept it on my phone in case you messaged me on it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” I dropped my gaze. I’d had more than one person accuse me of lying or trying to manipulate them when I told them I wasn’t talking to anyone else. I knew Hayden wasn’t like that, but it still hurt that most people couldn’t accept me for who I was. “I know it’s weird, but?—”

“It’s not weird.” He cupped my cheeks and dropped a sweet kiss on my lips. “It’s who you are, and that makes it amazing.”

My chest and neck warmed as he sat back on the couch, but a sour feeling replaced the good feels from his kiss.

“Are you still talking to other guys on there?” I asked, not quite sure I wanted to hear the answer.

I knew most people weren’t like me and our arrangement was casual, but I hated the idea of Hayden talking to anyone else while we were messing around.

“No.” He shook his head. “You’re the only person I messaged on there. I mean, I thought we were talking talking, so I wouldn’t have even if someone else had messaged me. I don’t like talking to multiple people at the same time either. I have enough trouble talking to one person. Talking to more than one is just too stressful.”

“Would it be okay if I suggested a new rule for our arrangement?” I asked.

I’d been thinking about this for the past week but hadn’t known how to bring it up without putting him on the spot or potentially ruining things by demanding more when that wasn’t what this thing was about.

“Yeah, of course. What rule were you thinking?”

“I want us to be exclusive. I know I have no right to ask that, but I don’t like the idea of sharing you with anyone else while we’re doing this. It’s fine if you say no,” I added quickly. “I know not everyone is like me?—”

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