Page 74 of Left on Read

Jett pointed to the glass, silently asking if I wanted a refill. I shook my head.

“And he still just wants to be friends with bennies?” Jett asked, clearing the glass.

“Yup. And I feel like such a shit person for being disappointed. He told me what this was and wasn’t. I agreed to the rules. But I can’t seem to put those feelings away.”

“That’s a tough place to be.”

“Have you been there?” I asked hopefully. “I mean, I’ve had these kinds of arrangements before, but my feelings have never gotten stronger. Starting one is usually the best way to make me stop feeling things for someone.”

“Sort of. Not with a guy,” he said quickly. “But I was on the other side of things.”

“Like she had feelings for you, but you didn’t feel that way about her?”

“In a way. It’s complicated, but we were friends for years. Like, since we were babies. Our families are close friends, and everyone just kind of decided that we’d get together when we were old enough. I loved her as a friend, but I never had those feelings for her.” He sighed and started fiddling with something under the bar, his eyes downcast.

“I was being pressured from every side to get with her, so I did. I figured romantic feelings would develop naturally because we were so close.”

“But they didn’t.”

“Nope. Really wish I’d figured shit out before we got married?—”

“Married?” I spluttered. “You’re married?”

“Divorced.” He smirked, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-three.”

He was younger than me?

“Did you…have to get married?” I asked carefully.

“You mean did I knock her up and have a shotgun wedding?” He huffed out a laugh. “No. No kids. It was because of family pressure. Marrying young is how things work where I come from.”

I had so many questions, but I kept quiet. Jett was sharing something personal with me. I didn’t feel right prying for more information.

“I’m not sure if things could have been different if we hadn’t gotten married so fast, but being stuck in a loveless marriage was toxic for both of us. We went from best friends to hating each other. It was messy. I had to move here to live with my aunt just to get away from all the crap that went down between our families.”

His trademark smirk slid back into place. “I’m the asshole in the story, and I’m okay with that because I hurt her. I should have stood up for myself and not given in to the pressure, but I didn’t. Live and learn, right?”

“Live and learn.” I nodded, digesting everything he’d just said. “So, the moral of this story is I’m either going to have to figure out a way to put my feelings aside, or I’m going to get hurt and lose him as a friend.”

“That was my experience. But it’s not like that for everyone. I know people who’ve started out as casual or as fuck buddies, and things naturally evolved into more. The problem is when one person goes into things already wanting that and the other doesn’t.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “That’s what I’m struggling with. He told me exactly what he wants and what this is to him. I’m worried I’ll mess things up and lose him as a friend.”

“Are you okay with only ever being his friend? Like, if he was to tell you tomorrow that he wanted to go back to just being friends, would you be able to flip back?”

“Yeah. Definitely. It would suck because he’s the first person I’ve ever felt this kind of connection with, but I felt that before we hooked up and before I realized I like him that way. Being his friend is way more important to me than the sex stuff.”

“What if he starts dating someone or gets a new friend with benefits? Would that be too hard for you to watch?”

Jealousy flared in my chest at the thought of someone else touching Hayden, seeing him let go the way he had with me.

The force of my reaction scared me a bit. I’d always been incredibly possessive over the people I care about, but until Hayden, it was more of a protective thing.

Once someone was part of my inner circle, they were family, and family always came first. My chosen family knew I’d take a bullet for them without thinking twice, and I knew they’d do the same for me.

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