Page 73 of Left on Read

“Oh, yeah. I kinda am.” I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to shake off my stupor.

“What’s going on? It’s not like you to hang out at the bar after hours.” He busied himself with pouring a glass of ice water.

“I’m just distracted tonight.” I leaned back on my stool and swung it in a slow arc.

“I noticed.” He put the water in front of me. “I can get you something stronger if you need it.”

“Thanks, I’m good.” Curling my hand around the cool glass, I shot him a wry smile. “Alcohol isn’t a good idea when I’m like this. It makes me mopey and sad, and no one wants that.”

“Is something going on?”

I paused my swinging. Jett and I weren’t close like I was with the other dancers, but we were friends. Maybe I needed to talk to someone who didn’t know everything about me or my circumstances and get some neutral advice.

“You could say that.” I toyed with the glass in front of me, tracing my finger through the condensation gathering on it.

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m a good listener if you need someone to vent to or whatever.”

“I’m not sure what I need.” I sipped the water. “But yeah, if you have time.”

“Hit me.” He leaned against the bar.

“I’m kinda having guy trouble.”

Jett’s understanding look melted into one of surprise.

“Yeah.” I chuckled, but the sound was hollow. I hadn’t officially come out at work yet, so only my friends knew about my newfound sexuality. “I figured out I’m bi.”

“You did?” he asked carefully.

I nodded. “I’m not freaking out or messed up about it or anything. I feel stupid for not realizing sooner, though, especially since the signs were there.”

“How do you mean? What signs?”

“I’ve always been weird when it comes to how I see people. I thought it was normal to find someone attractive, but not be attracted to them.”

Jett’s forehead wrinkled in confusion.

I laughed derisively. “See, weird. For me, attraction and the desire to act on it are separate. I find a ton of people physically attractive, but I don’t really feel any sort of urge to do stuff with them until I get to know them. With guys, I never thought of any of them as potential partners, so I kind of kept them in that ‘hot friend’ zone. Maybe there could have been more, but because I’d already labeled them as friends, I only ever looked at them that way.”

“And something changed?”

I snort-laughed. “Oh yeah. I met this guy online and ended up going out on a few dates with him without realizing it.”

“Wait, how do you go on dates without realizing it?”

“It’s another weird story, but basically, I started talking to this guy, and we hung out a few times. I thought we were chilling as friends, but he thought we were going out.”

Jett’s expression said he didn’t really understand what I meant, but he kept quiet and let me talk.

“He kissed me, and I had an ‘aha’ moment where it all just fell into place. I like guys, and I really like him.”

“And he’s the one you’re having guy trouble with?”

“Yeah.” I gulped down some of the water, grateful when the cool liquid soothed my parched throat. “After I had my big bi awakening, I figured he’d want to date, and I was excited because he’s the first person I’ve felt a real connection to in forever. But when we talked about it, he said he wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or anything serious, so we agreed to be friends with benefits.”

“And you want more,” he said knowingly.

“Yeah.” Sighing, I finished the water.

---