Page 61 of Left on Read

“Yet he’s still texting you every day. He still wants to hang out tomorrow.”

“He’s just being nice.”

“I’m nice, and I’ve never sucked someone’s dick to be nice.”

Our server came up to the table just as Ryan was finishing. I wanted to sink into the floor.

“Anything else tonight?” he asked, not quite hiding his snicker as he collected our dishes.

“Just the bill,” Ryan said, as causal as could be.

When the server left, he turned his attention back to me. “I don’t think being nice was his motivation for what happened last weekend.”

“Maybe not, but I’m convenient. I helped him realize he’s into guys, so I’m the most obvious choice to experiment with.”

“Are those his words, or yours?”

“He doesn’t have to say it. I’m not saying he’s doing it on purpose or that he’s using me or anything because that’s what our arrangement is, but I know what this is and isn’t. I’m the guy he gets experience with, the safe option to explore his sexuality. When he’s done, he’ll either flip to us just being friends so he can find someone who’s a better fit for him, or he’ll drop me like everyone else.”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong,” Ryan said slowly. “But just be careful that you don’t push him away because you’re afraid of being hurt. So far he’s done nothing but be a good friend and treat you well. Judge him on his actions, not on your predictions for the future.”

“I’m not going to push him away. I’m just not going to let myself believe this is more than it is. I like him as a friend, and I want to keep being his friend. I’m just being realistic so I don’t get hurt and end up ruining things because I got too attached.”

Ryan pursed his lips in that way that meant he was holding back from saying what he was thinking.

“So, any more office drama? My staff is boring compared to yours,” I said to change the subject.

“Did I tell you how Marcy and Kyle got caught making a sex tape in the copy room?” He burst out laughing. “Your face is telling me I didn’t.”

“No, you didn’t. I need details, please and thank you.”

I cleared all thoughts of River out of my head as Ryan launched into his story. Right now I wanted to enjoy a night out with my best friend. I could overthink and obsess over River later when I was home alone.

River: youre good with words

River: riddle me this. I know you can be nonchalant, but can you ever just be chalant?

I smiled at my phone and perched on the corner of my bed. I’d gotten home from the bar about ten minutes ago and had just changed into comfy clothes.

Hayden: Nope. Chalant is not a word.

River: didn’t think so

River: Languages are weird

Hayden: That they are. Especially English.

River: right?! Why do we have so many words that are the same but mean different things?

River: and why are so many things spelled the same way pronounced completely different?

River: I had so many issues learning to read because my brain didn’t automatically pick the right meaning or pronunciation like it’s supposed to

River: read read tear tear live live record record

River: those still trip me up if im reading fast

River: and I mix up letters so that doesn’t help either

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