Page 67 of Best Served Cold

I hauled him up off the couch. “You wanna go?”

“Maybe for a bit. He’s inviting people over earlier so it shouldn’t fuck with work.”

“Okay. We’ll go.”

“Maybe Noah will be there.” He winked.

I punched him in the shoulder. “Shut up.”

“What? I’m just wondering if our friend will be at the party.”

“Go get your bag.”

“’Kay.” He beamed a smile at me then darted into his bedroom.

Shaking my head, I made my way to my own room.

I wasn’t any closer to getting answers, or even sure if I wanted the answers at all. But I did feel better after talking to River. I hated hurting him. He wasn’t just my brother, he was my other half.

Now I just had to get through tomorrow, then I’d have a break from Noah for a few days.

That should be enough time for me to get my head out of my ass and shut down all thoughts of feelings or attraction.

12

NOAH

I turned off my truck and leaned back in the seat.

I shouldn’t be here.

I’d barely slept more than a few hours each night over the last week, and the gray fog of depression hovered over me like the rain cloud that followed Eeyore around.

A party with a bunch of people I didn’t really know was probably the last place I should be, but I seriously needed a break from another night at home.

I loved my niblings more than anything, and I was happy to help Becca and be there for them. But it was a lot sometimes. Aria was in her terrible twos and every parenting book I’d read warned that the twos were barely a blip compared to the threenager stage. I couldn’t imagine things being even more difficult with her. The closer she got to her third birthday, however, the more I believed it.

Though Felix was still in that squishy baby phase, he had serious attachment issues and demanded to always be held. Otherwise he’d scream until he made himself sick. Getting him to sleep was an hours-long battle most nights.

One of Becca’s coworkers had given her a baby sling and Felix loved it, but it was too small for me to wear so I had to hold him, which made everything more difficult with only one hand.

I needed a few hours away from noise and chaos at home, but the thought of being alone wasn’t exactly appealing either. When I was alone my brain had all the time in the world to ruminate and obsess over all the things in my past I’d been trying to run from.

My parents didn’t love me. That wasn’t exactly news. The last conversation with my mother cemented the fact that she didn’t, and couldn’t, love me.

She loved the idea of me because it was her duty to have children, but that’s where her responsibilities toward us ended. Our father wasn’t much better. He was less militant about his beliefs and we had a good relationship until I became a teenager and developed my own style and ideas. Then he sat back and let our mother dole out her special brand of guilt and shame to try to control us.

I’d gotten my first piercing at sixteen and had driven for over an hour to find a shop in the city that would do it. I’d gone for a navel piercing because it could be hidden, and I’d managed to keep it a secret for almost four months.

Then I made the mistake of letting some of the guys in the school locker room see it. I usually kept my back to everyone while we changed, but two of my classmates started scuffling, and the noise drew my attention. When I turned to see what was happening, everyone in my immediate vicinity got an eyeful of the small silver barbell.

Piercings on boys were forbidden at our school. Girls could only have their ears pierced. Tattoos, obvious makeup, and hair colors that weren’t ‘natural’ were also against the rules, and no one questioned why.

After a group of guys had ‘taken care’ of my indiscretion after class, I ended up in front of the principal and my parents with the barbell in a tissue after the school nurse had treated the wound from having it ripped out.

No one was concerned about the assault or the fact I’d had a piece of metal literally torn from my body, and instead I had to sit there while they prayed over me and told me all the reasons why I was going to hell and deserved what happened.

I also got a three-day suspension and had a list of punishments at home that included being grounded for six months, spending my summer volunteering full time at the store, and having to endure weekly meetings with the school pastor to pray for my salvation.

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