“He gave me chlamydia. But when I confronted him about it, he lied and said it was me who’d cheated and given it to him.”
I looked at her. I hadn’t heard anything about this. Mind you, I hated gossip and wouldn’t have listened anyway, but this was all news to me.
“He told everyone.” Chanel picked at her nail polish. “And because they were all in on the cheating, they made it seem like they believed him and acted like I was crazy whenever I tried to defend myself or tell them the truth.”
“I’m sorry. That’s not okay. You didn’t deserve any of that.”
“He passed my pictures around,” she whispered. “They have a group chat where they share whatever nudes they get sent. It’s been going for years.”
“Are you serious?” I gaped at her.
She nodded, her eyes on her chipped polish. “And when I got mad they all laughed and told me to get over it. Said if I was dumb enough to send the pics then I couldn’t get mad that they’d shared them. Told me I had no right to feel violated.” She looked up, her eyes shining with tears. “But I do feel violated. And no one gives a shit.”
“You were violated,” I said, making sure to keep my voice even and picking my words carefully. “And you have every right to be pissed as hell at all of them. What they did is unacceptable. I’m sorry you went through that.”
“I thought you’d be like them and find it funny,” she said, her tone cautious.
“That shit is wrong no matter how you spin it. You never betray someone’s trust like that.”
“The worst part is that they make me feel like it’s not okay for me to be upset. That I need to get over it because they’re over it. And they laugh about how I’m damaged goods like I don’t know I am. Like it’s news to me that no one will ever want me because I’m the crazy chick everyone has seen naked.”
“You’re not damaged, Chanel. Calling you damaged is just another way for them to gaslight you and blame you for what they did. You’re the victim. You were harmed. You’re not damaged or broken or any other shit they might say to shift the blame onto you.”
“You are Zane, right? Because you seem like Zane but you’re not talking like him.”
I chuckled. She wasn’t wrong. “Yeah. It’s me.”
“Why are you being so nice?”
“Because you need it. Can I ask you something?”
She nodded.
“Do you actually like your friends, or are they your friends because that’s how it’s always been?”
She lowered her eyes and stared at her hands. “I…don’t know.”
“Friends don’t hurt each other. They don’t lie or gaslight or treat you like garbage.”
“Mine do.” She gave a quick, mirthless laugh. “Which kinda tells me they’re not actually my friends.”
“I know it’s scary to start over. To leave everything you know and make a new life with new people. I was lucky that I got to do it with my brother, but it wasn’t easy. It takes time to find your people, but they’re out there.”
“I’m sorry for before,” she said, peeking up at me. “I just…I get drunk and all the things that hold me back when I’m sober go away and I figure if everyone thinks I’m crazy then why not lean into it and just be crazy.”
“Why us?” I asked. “Why’d you single us out?”
“Because you’re not one of us, but you are. You, River, and Noah are the only ones who didn’t know about the cheating and the other stuff. And I kinda had a thing for River,” she mumbled the last part.
“That wasn’t exactly a secret.”
“Ugh.” She put her face in her hands with a dramatic groan. “I’m so embarrassed by how I acted. I was drunk and pushy but it hurt that he didn’t seem to like me back but he had no issues flirting with all my friends. I thought… I don’t know what I thought.”
“You acted out because you were hurting.”
“Yeah.” She pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her hands and rubbed them together. “And I thought maybe you were in his ear telling him not to like me. Then when you danced with me I thought maybe you had a thing for me, but you don’t. You never did.”
“It’s not personal. I’m…”