Page 88 of Sizzle

In that moment, I’m dumbfounded. I’ve spent all this time thinking about how my world is falling apart—I never considered it from Steve’s point-of-view.

“A fresh start,” I say. “A do-over.”

“A clean slate,” says Steve.

A clean slate. I like the sound of it.

An idea sparks.

“Steve, you’re a genius.”

“This much, we know,” he says with a boozy grin. “But maybe you better tell me why in this specific instance.”

“Hang on,” I call out, already heading back to the office. I grab a couple of the inventory binders and a fresh legal pad. Steve’s pouring us another round when I get back to the bar.

“That’s all you, little brother,” I tell him as I start up the coffee maker behind the bar. “I’ve got some work to do.”

26

Alex

The smell of coffee is the first thing I register. Welcome though it is, the strength of it is enough to make my stomach twist and that’s before I manage to open my eyes.

A single shaft of sunlight burns across my face from where I apparently didn’t close the curtains last night.

I don’t get hangovers all that often but I’m pretty sure I earned this one. Drinking to forget seemed like a good idea at the time. It had even worked—for about five minutes.

“Never again,” I groan, rolling to sit at the edge of the bed. Drunk me at least had the foresight to set a sports drink on the nightstand. I twist the cap and sip at it until I’m sure my stomach will tolerate the rest.

By the time I get out of the shower twenty minutes later, I’m almost human again. I say a prayer of thanks to the automatic timer on the coffee pot and pour a cup. My supervisor already knows I’m working from home today and he couldn’t care less, thank God. This close to the holidays, hardly anybody comes into the office anyway, but I usually prefer to be on site in case a client needs me.

So Elliot and Joelle can’t see a way for us to be together, not even just to be with me? So be it. It was a revelation I’d had, drunk and alone in the dark last night. Yeah, this was going to suck. Probably for a long time. And it hurts, so damn much more than I thought it could. Certainly more than it ever did after Diana left.

I set up my computer at the table and make a halfhearted attempt to get some work done.

It’s not a magic bullet, but it does distract me for a minute. Long enough for the aspirin to kick in and the coffee to perk me up some.

I’m rooting through my coat pockets for a pen when I look out the window and see Elliot’s car isn’t here.

He didn’t have to work last night—I know that much. That means he never came home last night.

It’s almost enough to bring me to my knees.

I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined us. I lost my friend, because I couldn’t keep my damn feelings to myself.

Elliot was there, too.

It doesn’t matter. I knew he was straight and worse, I knew he didn’t feel that way about me. And now he’s gone and apart from coming to fetch his things from his apartment, I don’t know if he’ll be back.

My phone rings from the table some undetermined time later, forcing me back to the kitchen. I check the display before answering the only person I actually want to talk to this morning.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Alex,” she says. “Is everything okay? I tried your office but they said you weren’t in today.”

“I’m okay,” I say, already knowing she’s going to call me on the lie. “What’s up?”

“You tell me,” she says. “Because ‘I’m okay’ is a copout, and a crummy one at that.”

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