Page 87 of Close Quarters

That jerked a laugh out of me. “You’re right, I was already moving onto something else, but thanks, it’s nice to know you haven’t been faking it when you lose your mind whenever you fuck me.”

“I don’t lose my mind,” he said.

“What would you call it then?”

“I’d call it…appreciating the moment,” he said with a slow smile.

“Appreciating this ass you mean,” I smirked. “While sounding like an angry bull mixed with a rutting bear in the process.”

“I really hate when you decide to start describing things. It always comes out sounding fucking awful.”

“I think I have a skill with words.”

“Yeah, the skill to make them cringey and horrible.”

“Hey, a skill’s a skill. You gotta work with what you’re given.”

It was another sign of how far he’d come that this provoked an entire ‘argument’ about whether or not I had been given the skill or had just worked hard at honing the skill…as well as whether it was a skill at all, or just me being a ‘gremlin.’ What would have once been one-sided from me and would have earned eye rolls and the occasional grunt out of him was now a full-blown debate. A debate that had him rolling his eyes and grunting, of course, and occasionally insulting me, but that was just part of being with Reno.

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to consider myself as being ‘with’ him, but I didn’t bother to argue with the feeling anymore. There were far too many things in my life, like being focused on important things, for instance, the age-old struggle for me even now I was medicated.

Liking Reno was dangerous in many ways, but it was far from the worst ‘bad’ decision I had ever made. Not that liking someone was ever really something you chose, but I was definitely letting it happen without a fight. It could probably lead to loving him, and shit, maybe it already had, but that was the risk you took when you were constantly around someone you liked.

“Alright,” he said after a couple of hours of riding. “You’ve been quiet for like…fifteen minutes. What the fuck is going on in that head of yours?”

I laughed, a little startled at the accurate accusation. “What makes you think I’m thinking about anything? Weren’t you the one who said I don’t have any thoughts going on in here?”

“Yeah, well, I was a fucking idiot. The problem with you is that you’re thinking too much. And it usually means trouble for everyone around you,” he said, casting me a sidelong glance. “And especially you.”

“True,” I said, debating whether it was worth telling him the truth. As much progress as the two of us had made in recent months, he was…well, he was still Reno. He and softer emotions didn’t get along all that well. Sure, he’d softened up a great deal, but trying to be affectionate with him when he wasn’t either scared shitless by his nightmares or right after he got off was a dicey proposition.

“Damn,” he grunted. “You’ve gone quiet on me. Just what kind of heinous shit were you thinking?”

“Nothing bad,” I insisted and mentally shrugged, knowing it shouldn’t be bad to tell him. Well, except for the fact that I was opening myself up to disappointment and the sting of rejection if he decided to avoid or dismiss what I said. “I was just…I don’t know. This is…this is nice.”

“Nice?” he asked in confusion, his eyes sweeping around as if there was anything out there besides hard-packed ground and the occasional cactus. Well, we were quickly approaching my officially dubbed ‘mini mountain range’ where the sheep were prone to going, but that was just a few miles of rocks to break up the monotony of sunburned ground. “Strolling around the desert on horseback, looking for sheep? With the possibility of needing to stay overnight and hoping we don’t get hurt in the process?”

“You’re such a Gloomy Gus,” I said with a laugh. “And well, yeah, none of that sounds all that great, I’ll give you that. Not exactly my ideal way to spend the day, but…I’m doing it with you, so that makes it nice.”

It was rare to catch him off guard, but I saw it flash over his face and even linger for a moment. I had to take that as another sign that maybe things were a lot more improved between us than I normally would. It wasn’t like Reno to let anyone see him being caught by surprise, not without lashing out in irritation and anger immediately afterward.

His expression softened as he shook his head. “You have a very weird idea of what is or isn’t enjoyable. And that goes for the company you enjoy having around.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I admitted with a shrug while feeling the flutter in my chest. To the inexperienced eye, it might look like he was shutting down what I said without hesitation. But I’d seen his reaction, and there was still the ghost of a smile on his face, which told me all I needed to know. He wouldn’t engage in my fluffiness but privately enjoyed it.

That understanding left me comfortable despite the slight jostling of the horse and the way the saddle dug into my ass. After another couple of hours, carefully taking our time to patrol around the mini mountains, there was still no sign of the animals. It was strange, considering the last few times we’d gone out, we’d found them quickly.

“Mmm,” I hummed, glancing toward the sun as it began to dip behind the wall of jutting rocks. “I can’t believe we haven’t heard or seen any of them yet. They’ve never gone too far before.”

“Well, it could be anything. They’re not exactly what you’d call smart,” Reno grunted, but from the frown on his face, I could see he was concerned too. “Something could have scared them into being quiet and hiding…and, well, they have been out longer than usual.”

“Aww, don’t say they’re dead,” I groaned, not enjoying the idea of coming across their dead bodies.

“Leon mentioned it was a couple of dozen that got out. So unless there were…a lot of coyotes, I doubt they’re all dead. They’re smart enough to seek shelter when it’s hot or cold out, and they’re all well fed and taken care of, so it’s not like they’ll keel over right away,” he said, then grimaced. “But I’m starting to see why they gave us camp supplies.”

“I guess they figured we’d be out here for a while,” I said with a sigh.

“Yeah. We should probably consider finding somewhere to bed down for the night soon.”

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