“Ina…what? You were seven! Who the fuck does that? You were holding hands.”
“Hey,” Dom said with a shrug. “I had some messed up teachers. And I mean, you ever think how weird it can be when people talk about little kids being heartbreakers or having girl or boyfriends?”
“Well…I mean, it’s all in good fun, right?” Elliot wondered.
“Sure. Until you get those people who do the really weird shit that say like ‘oh, if I were twenty years younger’ or whatever,” Dom said, wrinkling his nose. “I had a woman say that to me when I was fourteen. Like, that’s weird, right?”
“Eh, I had a drunk girl insist I was interested in her even when I kept putting her off. Shoved her hand right down my pants, grabbed my dick, and asked if I was interested now,” I said, scrunching my nose at the memory. “I wasn’t interested, even then.”
“Wow, that’s…that’s actually really fucked up,” Elliot said and gave me a sympathizing look.
“Wait, wait,” Dom said, holding up his hands. “How the fuck did we end up on this topic?”
I jammed my thumb at Elliot. “He gives off an aura that sucks you into his chipmunk-brained world. I’ve given up trying to keep up with it. Just gives me a headache.”
“I like how I’m the one with ADD, but it’s somehow my fault that you guys got off topic,” Elliot scowled.
“No, he’s right. I’m letting the blame fall on you,” Dom said.
“Of fucking course you are. Assholes.”
“But seriously,” Dom said, jerking his head over his shoulders. “Go get some lemonade.”
“Like hell am I?—”
“It’s fine,” I told him before he could get totally indignant. “Dom wants to play big brother.”
“Excuse me?” Dom asked, eyes going wide.
“Oh, Jesus,” Elliot muttered. “I should have never mentioned that’s how I?—”
“You didn’t say shit,” I interrupted before he could trip up and give away his private thoughts about Dom. They didn’t exactly strike me as a friendship duo that was big on expressing their emotional vulnerably to one another, and I didn’t want the cat out of the bag while we were dealing with a different can of worms. “And it’s fine.”
“It is not fine,” Elliot protested, looking between us uncertainly.
“We’ll behave ourselves,” I told him, feeling the tick in my jaw begin. The sooner I got this bullshit over with Dom, the better. The guy was just trying to look out for Elliot, but there wasn’t a need to treat him like an inept kid. Not that I hadn’t thought of him that way before, but Dom, of all people here, should know better. “And I’ll tell you everything.”
“Not like I was expecting you to keep anything a secret,” Dom grunted.
“Good, then I won’t worry about telling him anything.”
“Good.”
“Great.”
“Yeah.”
Elliot gave a heavy, drawn-out groan. “Oh my God. You’re going to kill each other. All your manly man’s man testosterone is going to come crashing together in some big, sweaty… man-off! And I’m going to be left cleaning up the mess.”
I stared at him for several seconds before turning to Dom, who was apparently unswayed by the display. “Please tell me you know how to explain that one.”
Dom snorted. “He’s dramatic. That’s how I explain it…and a little weird.”
“Please tell me that sounded sexual to you. I don’t want to be the only one who thinks that sounded sexual.”
“It…really, really did. And I’m pretending like he isn’t imagining the two of us?—”
“You aren’t, right?” I asked Elliot. At first, he looked offended, but then his mouth turned down, and his eyes flicked upward, a clear sign he was thinking about something intensely. “No. Get that thought out of your mind. Right the fuck now.”