Page 41 of Sweet Nightmare

“You know it’s hard?” I squeak out, shock practically stopping my heart as I stare at him wide and wild-eyed. “You know it’s hard? That’s what you’ve got to say to me right now?”

Jude lets out a frustrated roar, one that any other time would have chills careening down my spine. Right now, though, it just pisses me off even more. As does his demand of, “What do you want from me, Clementine? What the ever-loving fuck do you want from me?”

“The same thing I’ve wanted from you since freshman year!” I shout back at him. “The truth. Why’d you have to go and change everything? We were fine as friends—better than fine. So why did you have to kiss me? Why’d you have to make me feel something good for the first time in my life just to tear it away? Was I that bad of a kisser? Or did you regret it? Did you just figure out that you didn’t like me like that and, instead of telling me, you took the easy way out and ghosted me? What was it, Jude?”

I’m breathing heavily by the time I’m done hurling questions—and accusations—at him. There’s a part of me that’s horrified—that can’t believe I actually said all of those things that have run through my head countless times in the last few years. But there’s another part of me, a bigger part, that feels liberated for finally having my worries out in the open.

Is it embarrassing? Yes. But is a little embarrassment worth finally having my questions answered? You’re damn straight it is.

At least until Jude looks me straight in the eye and says, “We go to the same school. It’s impossible for me to ghost you.”

It’s my turn to roar with frustration, though mine comes out sounding more like a scream.

“Again, that’s what you focus on? The mundane details instead of the question I’m all but begging you to answer?”

“Clementine—”

“Don’t you dare Clementine me,” I grit out. “Not when you’re so pathetic that you can’t even answer a simple question. Or maybe it’s not that you’re pathetic. Maybe it’s just that you’re an asshole.”

I’ve laid myself bare. Furious, and more hurt than I want to admit, I turn away. Fuck it. Just fuck it. And fuck him. He’s not worth—

Jude stops me with a hand on my elbow. One gentle tug and he’s whirling me back around to face him. “You were an amazing kisser!” he yells into my face. “Your lips tasted like pineapple. I wanted to hold you forever. And I never wanted anything more in my life than to know that you were mine.”

I stare at him, shocked, as his words hang in the air between us. Even the storm dies down for his confession, the wind calming and the rain drying up between one breath and the next so that the two of us are left, staring at each other with nothing but a few scant inches of air between his mouth and mine.

“So why?” I whisper when I can finally get the words out. “Why did you walk away? Why did you cut me out of your life so completely? So cruelly?”

“Because—” he answers, his voice breaking a little on the last syllable.

“Because,” I echo, breath held and heart beating like a riot inside my chest as I wait for him to be able to speak.

“Because I’m not good for you.” He swallows convulsively. “If we were together, I’d be your worst nightmare.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

MAKING

KISS-TORY

The wind lets loose a giant howl at his pronouncement, one that shakes the leaves and rattles the door of the root cellar.

I barely notice.

I’m too busy staring at Jude and turning his words over and over in my head to pay attention to something as commonplace as a storm—even one as wild as this one.

He shifts uncomfortably under my stare. “Clementine—”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know, but—”

“I. Don’t. Understand.”

“I can’t explain it to you.” He reaches for me. “You have to trust me—”

“Trust you!” I laugh, yanking my arm out of his grasp. No matter how gentle he is, I don’t want him touching me right now. Not when confusion and rage are bubbling up inside of me, just waiting for a chance to explode. “Don’t talk to me in vague puzzles if you want me to trust you. And don’t be completely illogical.”

I force myself to keep my voice low now that I don’t have to shout over a bunch of thunder and lightning. But it’s hard when I’m so confused, so angry, so raw. I don’t know what I thought he would say when he finally gave me an answer, but “I’d be your worst nightmare” isn’t it.

---