Page 32 of Fractured Devotion

I held up my hand, silencing her. I didn’t want to hear her say it. As far as I was concerned, I deserved death. I didn’t deserve to have a life without him. And I certainly didn’t deserve what he’d left me with.

“I can’t Celestina. Please… I’m not ready to face it right now. I’m the reason he’s as good as dead.”

“But he’s not, Carmela. Alex is alive.”

“You call that living?” I scoffed. “He’s lying in a fucking bed with tubes hooked up to him. How can you call that being alive?” I stood and tugged at my hair in frustration.

Celestina stepped into my space and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Until they say otherwise, Alex is alive. And if he were here right now, he’d be furious that you weren’t taking care of the things that should be important.”

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it.” I jerked out of her hold. “I’ll be in his room.”

I carefully made my way down the steps into the room my brother had transformed for Michael. When Michael was found, he had been brutally beaten into a coma—a stark, horrifying reality that had forced us to bring him home. Here, in this makeshift hospital room, he received round-the-clock care from professionals. The room, equipped with the necessary medical supplies and monitors, echoed with the faint beeps and whirrs of machinery, a constant reminder of his fragile state. Falcon lifted his head and gave me a weary look.

“I know, buddy. I miss him, too.”

I was grateful Alex was here, under this close, personal care, rather than in the sterile, impersonal environment of a hospital. The thought gave me a measure of comfort as I stepped further into the room, the familiar setting wrapping around me like a somber embrace. Pulling a chair up to his bed, I sat down and blew out a breath. Twirling my hair between my fingers, I stared at his still frame.

“I cut my hair. I needed a change. It reminded me of all the shit I’ve been through. It was like a weight bearing down on me. Harlen called me. He is struggling with guilt for what happened in the compound. He’s also worried that when you wake up, you’re going to put a bullet in his head.” I wiped the tears falling down my cheeks and rubbed the scruff of Falcon’s neck. “I think my family is cursed. Every one of us has nearly lost the love of our life—maybe it’s best if I walk away from you. I bring nothing but death to you.” Falcon let out a whine, signaling his disagreement.

I grabbed Alex’s hand and gently laced our fingers together, the simple touch a small anchor in the tumult of emotions swirling inside me.

“It’s probably the right thing to do, but I can’t. Not now… especially not now,” I confessed, the weight of my decision pressing heavily upon my chest. My thumb traced soothing circles on his skin, a small comfort in the shadow of our grim reality. “Falcon won’t leave your side, Alex. He’s a beautiful dog and loyal. He nearly ripped off my arm the first time I tried to hold your hand.” I looked to where our fingers were joined.

“Harlen told me I’d been doped up more than once that day,” I continued, the words spilling out with a mixture of regret and relief. “He was hoping I’d forgotten the things I did to keep us alive, but I have flashes of memories that tell me it happened.” The admission hung in the air between us, a testament to the dark lengths we had gone to, the fragments of those hours playing back in brief, haunting glimpses that refused to be silenced.

As I held his hand, I found myself sharing the whirlwind of family life that had embraced me since my return.

“I’ve gotten to know my nieces and nephews—there’s a lot of them. It was overwhelming at first, but now, I’m so thankful I’m here with them.” The warmth in my voice reflected the joy they brought into my life, a stark contrast to the darker days we had endured.

“My parents have been great, too. They keep begging me to come to Italy with them, but I can’t leave you.” I took a slight pause. “My Nonna understands, though. She agreed that my place is beside you.” Nonna’s understanding comforted me, as I knew that someone recognized the importance of my choice.

“Did you know that Massimo and Madison eloped? They were afraid Nonna would be pissed, but she forgave them the minute she held Sebastian and Luca in her arms. They’re the cutest boys I’ve ever seen, but don’t tell Celestina that.” A chuckle escaped me. “Her boys are cute, but they’re still so tiny it’s hard to tell who they look like.

“Can you believe there are three sets of twins in the family? First Vincenzo, then Massimo, and Celestina… it’s amazing.” My voice matched the amazement at such a family phenomenon. Closing my eyes, I tried to envision having twins myself. The thought made me shudder slightly. “I can’t imagine having one, let alone two.” The idea felt overwhelming.

“How’s he doing?” The familiar voice coaxed my eyes to fly open.

“No change,” I answered, peering over at the still form in the bed.

With a gentle click, Massimo eased the door closed and claimed the chair at the bed’s foot. His gaze flicked to Falcon, then lingered on Alex before finding its way to me.

“And you? How’re you holding up?”

I snorted, a bitter edge to my chuckle. “How do you think?” I said, feeling the warmth of Alex’s hand beneath mine, a stark contrast to the cold grip of fear in my stomach. “I wish I’d died in that wreck.”

He shook his head, his eyes dimming with concern. “Don’t talk like that.” Leaning in, he bridged the distance between us. “Carmela, I know this is hard for you, but death was never an option for you. Not then… and not now.”

I blinked back the sting of tears. “Feels like I’m halfway to nowhere without him, Massimo.”

He gave a slight nod, a silent acknowledgment of shared pain. “I get that, too.”

“Do you get it, though? What if it was you staring down at Madison in this bed because of your call? That’s me with Alex. I’m the reason we’re here. And for what? Just so another viper can slither up from the shadows?”

Massimo’s gaze didn’t waver, but the air between us thickened with the weight of what went unsaid. Our return home had been darkened by an unsigned letter that found its way to Massimo’s hands. Its words had been stark and ominous—one threat had fallen, only to have another rise from the fallout. We’d thrown ourselves into the fire to save seven women, yet so many more remained chained in that inferno. I closed my eyes, pushing out a breath teeming with frustration.

“How are Madison and the kids doing, by the way?”

The sound of his tongue clicking was a sharp rebuke. “Dodging the issue won’t clear the fog, Carmela. You think we haven’t noticed? You’re holed up in here, and even when you do step out, you’re miles away. We’re worried about you.” His voice held a firm edge of concern, a lifeline thrown in the stillness of the hospital room.

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