Page 95 of Ride a Cowboy

Twice he caught the hurt in Oakley’s gaze as he dodged his casual touches. Joel hated pulling away from his best friend, but he couldn’t figure out how to make his feelings go away.

It was that damn kiss. It haunted him. Replayed in his mind twenty-four-seven. He’d never kissed a guy. Never wanted to. Now he couldn’t think of anything except kissing Oakley.

He reached out to grab another stack of red Solo cups, careful to avoid touching Oakley.

Oakley frowned, the expression drawing Joel’s gaze to his lips.

God, he had it bad. Joel turned away and looked around the barn, studying the faces. Former teammates and friends surrounded him. Sadie’s dad sat next to Coach with some other guys from town, the fellas who usually packed around the bar in Cruisers the night after a Titans game to dissect and discuss every play. His mother was even in attendance, standing in a corner, chatting with a couple of ladies from church.

What would they think if Joel reached over and kissed Oakley? Right here. Right now.

“Joel?” Sadie pulled him from his thoughts. “You okay?”

He nodded, even as he thought, nope. I am definitely not okay.

“Bunkhouse? After the party?” she asked. There was a twinge of doubt in her voice, something he’d never heard there before.

She knew.

How could she not?

But she and Oakley had gone along with him after that kiss. Joel had wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened, had wanted to ignore it. And because Sadie and Oakley cared about him, they’d respected his wishes and pretended right along with him.

Joel couldn’t understand how he could be this fucked-up inside. He was living a dream, sharing the girl he loved with his best friend. The sex was off the charts. He should be happy.

He wasn’t.

He couldn’t give Sadie and Oakley what they wanted. For the first time in his life, the king of people-pleasers didn’t have it in himself to offer them the key to true happiness. It was clenched tightly in his white-knuckled fist. And it was staying there.

“Joel?” Sadie said when he failed to answer.

He was a coward. And a greedy one at that.

“Absolutely,” he said in response to her question. “Come on. Dance with me. Oakley can hold down the fort back here for a little while.”

Joel needed air, space, a chance to catch his breath. He couldn’t let Sadie see him struggling. He feared she’d leave, walk away.

He couldn’t let her do that. So they’d all just keep ignoring. Keep pretending.

Keep believing that this was working.

Even though it wasn’t.

Chapter 7

The sun beat down on them, the temperature pushing eighty-five, ninety. Sometimes Texas was a merciless bitch.

Oakley took off his hat and wiped away the sweat that was dripping down into his eyes. It was only midday and there were still too many hours between now and quitting time. Ordinarily, he didn’t mind the long hours or the heat, but he was running on empty. Low on sleep, energy, and patience. It was a dangerous combination.

Especially since Joel seemed to share it. The two of them hadn’t spoken three words to each other since they’d gotten up this morning, which left Oakley too much time to think, to fume.

He’d let Joel continue to push him away, to treat him as if he had some contagious disease because he’d genuinely believed his friend would come around. Joel wasn’t stupid, and while he had more than a fair amount of stubborn, he usually did the right thing.

However, the dumbass had wrapped his head around his feelings for Oakley and come to the wrong conclusion. Joel had convinced himself that being with Oakley would be wrong. Fucking idiot. Joel had been a part of that kiss. There was no way he didn’t get it, didn’t see exactly how right this was.

So, they continued to work in silence, trying to let the sun and exhaustion beat away all the heavy feelings. It wasn’t working.

Oakley’s temper sparked when Joel jerked his hand away as they both reached for a tool at the same time.

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