Page 110 of Ride a Cowboy

“Oh.”

Jane had been sleeping, but at that moment, her eyelids lifted and Sadie spotted the baby’s bright blue eyes. They stared unfocused for a brief second before finding Sadie’s face.

She expected the infant to cry. After all, Sadie was definitely not her mom. Instead, what she saw was no fear, just calm contentment. Jane seemed to realize she was in someone’s arms and safe, so she closed her eyes once more and went back to sleep.

Sadie wished her emotions matched Jane’s. Instead, they were going too far in the opposite direction. Her heart was racing, her throat closing, and she was starting to fear she would cry.

What the fuck was that about?

She was still reeling, shell-shocked, when Jenna opened the door, Russ in tow. “Oh, there you are. Thanks for watching the kids, Sadie.” Jenna reclaimed the baby and her little son, moving both kids and her chastened husband to the car. Once she had them all loaded up, Jenna started the car and drove away, completely oblivious to the wake she’d left behind.

Sadie sat on the bench for several minutes, her thoughts whirling, her emotions in absolute turmoil.

Babies trusted.

Sadie had spent a lifetime avoiding kids because she’d always known she wasn’t made to be a mother. Wasn’t cut out for it. After all, she’d had the shittiest role model in the history of motherhood, and there was no doubt the fruit hadn’t fallen far from the tree. Sadie possessed too many of her mother’s wild, uninhibited characteristics.

Babies trusted.

Sadie couldn’t shake that realization loose. How many times had Sadie looked at her mother with those same content eyes when she’d been little, so certain that her mom would always be there to take care of her? How could her mother have walked away from her so easily? Left her alone to fend for herself?

Sadie had trusted her. And her mother had shattered it in one selfish moment. Proven to her that the only way to survive, to live, was to trust no one.

All the reasons why she had avoided serious relationships crashed in on Sadie. She’d let things go too far, get too deep with Oakley and Joel. They looked at her with trust and they saw forever.

But what if she wasn’t that girl? What if she began to feel trapped and ran? God, how could she promise some concept she didn’t understand, offer a commitment that struck pure terror in her heart?

What if she turned out to be exactly like her mother?

Sadie was a few minutes late entering the restaurant. She’d opted to walk here, hoping the time outside in the cool fall air would help her regain her composure, gather her thoughts.

Find a way to break things off.

She fought against the butterflies in her stomach. They’d been there all day, and the constant fluttering—maybe churning was a better word—had gotten worse after the incident with Jenna…and Jane. Her stomach ached and there was no way she was going to be able to eat.

Oakley had issued this invitation for a date last night after they’d reduced her to a pile of sexually replete goo in the bar. If she’d had two functioning brain cells left, she would have said a big hell no.

Instead, she’d been fucked almost mindless. The only part of her brain that could function was the panic region and it had told her to get the fuck out of there. So she’d said a hasty yes to his request when they’d gotten to her place, tugged her torn blouse closed, and left their truck in a hurry.

She had told them she would meet them here as the restaurant they’d chosen was only a few blocks from Cruisers. They had tried to fight her on that when they had called to confirm this morning, but she’d held firm. If they’d picked her up, it would have felt too much like a real date and she had been determined—at the time—to pretend this was just three friends sharing a meal out.

Now she knew it would be a lot less pleasant than that.

When they reached the table, Joel pulled out her chair for her. Sadie sat down and glanced around the fancy restaurant. There were a fair amount of diners—some familiar faces, others not. Joel pushed her seat in and Oakley reached for her hand across the table.

They were going to have to cease and desist on the touching. Her heart simply couldn’t take it. Neither man was good at keeping his hands to himself when it came to their time together, which was why she should have moved the location of this date. Put them somewhere behind closed doors.

She pulled her hand away from Oakley and gave him a warning look, hoping it would encourage him to give up. As always, Oakley failed to feel chastised. Instead, she felt the tip of his boot touch her calf beneath the table, stroking it suggestively.

“This is a nice place,” she said, grateful for the long white tablecloth that hung to the floor. It hid Oakley’s foot as he got more adventurous. She kicked at his leg, then tried to move her own feet away from his. It didn’t work. “Although it looks sort of pricey. We could have just gone to the Sparks Barbeque or something.”

Joel reached for her hand, but unlike Oakley, he didn’t relinquish it when she tried to pull away. He simply gripped it tighter and it was he who gave the warning look. His dominant streak was her fucking Kryptonite.

Joel winked at her. “It’s our first time out together in public. Feel like that calls for something bigger than cheese fries and a pitcher of beer.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond to the “out together” comment, so she didn’t. Instead, she picked up the menu, using it as an excuse to break free from Joel’s grip. He released her hand and started looking at his own menu.

“I’ve never eaten here. What’s good?” she asked.

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