Page 94 of Summer After Summer

My father stands slowly. His hands are shaking, and I’ve so rarely seen him in a rage that I don’t recognize it at first. “Your mother and I would be of one mind on this issue, of that I’m certain.”

I leave the table, running crying to the kitchen to sob out the story on Aunt Tracy’s shoulder. She listens to me, and then she surprises me. While she isn’t quite as against it as William, she does agree with him.

I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. “Don’t you like Fred?”

“Of course I do,” Aunt Tracy says. She’s been gardening, and she’s gathered an armful of summer roses and was trimming them in the sink, wearing heavy gloves so she doesn’t get pricked by the thorns.

“Why shouldn’t I marry him, then?”

“You’re so young.”

“I’m older than Mom was. She was only eighteen.”

“Be that as it may, you’re very different from her. You have all these plans for your life. What about the tour? How is that going to work?”

“Fred knows I want to do that.”

“But does he really understand it?” Tracy starts to arrange her blooms in a vase, a mix of white and pink with a bloodred rose at the center. “You haven’t even been training most of this summer. Does Fred have any idea of what your life is like when you’re playing tennis?”

“No, but he’ll be in class too.”

“You barely have time to eat. That’s not how to take care of a husband.”

“Take care of a husband? It’s not 1950.”

“Of course not, but relationships need care just the same. You need to spend time together, to build a life. And what you’re trying to do is very solitary.”

I bite back the angry sentiment that rises in me: to ask her what she knows about marriage because she never made a success of it, the ink on her divorce long dried. But that would be cruel, and I love her so much. Why isn’t she on my side?

“We can figure it out.”

“Maybe. But what happens next year when you’re traveling everywhere?” Tracy says. “And what about the family? I thought you wanted to contribute to your father’s finances? To help save this place.”

“Is the house in danger?”

“Everything is in danger. Bad things are coming, Olivia. My friends in New York are very worried.”

“We should sell it.”

“Is that what you want?”

“No, I … I just want to live my life.”

Tracy pulls her gloves off slowly. “And you shall. But don’t rush into this. You haven’t even been together for a summer. I don’t want you to regret this choice. If you want to change schools and go to Boston, that’s fine. But somehow, I don’t think you do. You love your team, you’re always saying, and your coach.”

It’s true what she’s saying. But. “I also love Fred.”

“You can do a year apart. It’s not like you’ll be in Europe. You can see each other on weekends.”

“I play tournaments on weekends.”

Tracy nods her head slowly. “Yes.”

“Fred can come watch.”

“I’m sure he can.” But will he? she means. “But why Boston? Why are you the one going to him and not the other way around?”

“I … ” I stutter to a stop. And for the first time, I let myself wonder why the plan involves me uprooting my life to go and be where he is instead of the other way around. If I can switch schools, why can’t he?

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