Page 82 of Summer After Summer

“You’re right. I like lots of it. The kids are special, and being a part of their life is mostly great. But there are bad parts, like any job. Too much to do, too few resources … But I couldn’t do what Charlotte does …”

“You mean nothing?”

“It sounds awful to say that.”

She puts her hand on mine. “She doesn’t think that, though. Charlotte is happy in her life.”

I sit back in my chair, this information a surprise. But it shouldn’t be. Tracy’s right. Charlotte is perfectly content, and I shouldn’t judge her. I’m the one who’s unhappy. “I’m glad she’s happy.”

“Me too.”

“You think things will work out with Ann long term?”

“I’m not sure …” She frowns. “She’s an interesting one, that girl.”

“Why do you think Charlotte’s never come out to us?”

“Does she have to?”

“You’re right, she doesn’t.”

Tracy smiles. “Now, what are you going to do with the rest of your birthday?”

“Clean out another room of the house?”

“I hope you’re joking.”

I wasn’t, but she’s right. Today of all days, I shouldn’t lock myself in this house. “How about a bike ride and then I’ll go to that dinner everyone wants me to attend?”

“That sounds better.”

“It’s a plan, then.”

We touch shoulders again, and then I rest my head on hers. Sometimes I forget, when I’m missing my mother, that I’ve got one here, next to me, and I’ve had her all along.

I show up to dinner at the club nervous and armed with the past. I decided to wear my mother’s dress, the one I found when I was cleaning out the clothes in her bedroom. I’m wearing my hair loose again, enjoying the feel of it on my back. After I applied my makeup, I stepped back and appreciated what I saw. A healthier version of me, a younger version, like old paint had been stripped away in a restoration. And I do feel partially restored. I’m happy I came home, despite the minefields. I needed this time to make some decisions about my life that are more than just a flight reflex.

Before I left the house, I went through my jewelry box, looking for something to add. My engagement and wedding ring were there, and also a small bag I don’t remember putting inside. When I opened it, I found the tennis bracelet Ash gave me for my sixteenth birthday. The diamonds glowed in the sunlight swimming in through my window, and I put it on my wrist. And then, impulsively, I opened another bag and took out Fred’s charm bracelet. It has four charms on it. I questioned myself as I slip it on my other wrist. What am I doing? Last night the dress, today the bracelet?

But Shh, Olivia, I told myself. Two can play at this game.

I closed the jewelry box and finished getting ready.

The club is lit up and vivid. There’s a band playing on a raised dais, and waiters passing champagne and hors d’oeuvres. Matt’s here, looking dapper in a summer suit, and I wave to him across the lawn. He gives me a thumb’s-up, then makes a complicated hand gesture that indicates that we’ll talk later.

We’ve arrived at the end of the cocktail hour, and it’s almost time to take our seats. We find Sophie and Colin in the crowd. Sophie is glowing, pregnant with a secret, while Colin is holding the long neck of a beer, peering out at the dunes and the ocean.

“You look happy,” I say to Sophie.

She gives me a spontaneous hug. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks. What’s going on?”

“Colin agreed to look for a job elsewhere. He’s going to tell his dad tomorrow.”

“That’s good news.”

“Right? I’m so happy. Somewhere else, he can really succeed, you know? Be at the level he’s supposed to. And now that we have the money, we don’t have to be so beholden to them.”

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