Page 153 of Summer After Summer

“Wasn’t it?”

“I get why it feels like it was, but that wasn’t how it was for me. When I arranged for that sponsorship, I didn’t know what would happen. I only wanted to help you make your plan to get to Wimbledon come true. I didn’t know how you’d be around me, if you’d even talk to me. Every step I took was tentative. And yes, you’re right that I should’ve broken things off with Catherine. I’d already spoken to her about cooling things down, but I never ended things officially. And that was my mistake. One I’ll regret forever.”

“It was all over the papers. I was.”

“I saw. And for that I truly do apologize. I mean, I apologize for all of it. Not my finest hour.”

“How did they even find out?”

“Catherine told them.”

“What?”

His shoulders rise and fall. “It’s how she lives, in the tabloids.”

“But she looked bad.”

“I looked bad, you looked bad … She looked like a victim. Which she likes.”

“That’s messed up.”

“Yes.”

“She must’ve been very angry.”

“She was. But I didn’t care about her, not enough for the time we spent together. And that was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have been with her, knowing that. And when you came to London, I should’ve been clear with her. But I confess, all I thought about was you.”

A lump forms in my throat. I might be angry at Fred—I might be furious—but I’m not a robot. “It’s always so complicated between us, isn’t it?”

He smiles slowly. “And yet, here we are.”

“Yes.”

“Five years later.”

“Yes. But Fred …”

He leans forward. I think for a moment that he’s going to hold my hands, and maybe he does too, because he stops himself. “Yes, what is it?”

“Don’t you think we make the five years happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“We avoid each other in the in-between times. I could’ve come back to London anytime since then. I didn’t.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t ready to face all of this again. The stories in the tabloids. Your tabloids are terrible. Look at what they’re doing to poor Meghan right now.”

“It was the same with Kate.”

“It’s worse, though, isn’t it? Because she’s Black.”

He frowns. “Yes, you’re right.”

“And her name is Catherine.”

“Who?”

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