Page 119 of Summer After Summer

“I think so.”

Fred says something to the hostess, and she smiles and leaves us. He holds out my chair for me, and I sit down.

“How did you find this place?”

“I was over here for business one night, and hungry, and I walked around a bit, and then I smelled something wonderful, and I walked in. I’ve been coming back ever since. Best Portuguese cooking that I’ve had outside of Portugal. You love paella, yes?”

“You remember that?”

“Of course. The seafood rice here will rival it, I promise.” He opens his napkin and puts it on his lap. “I remember the first time I had it in Portugal, wishing you were there to try it.”

“I’ve never been to Portugal.”

“We’ll have to remedy that.”

“Sure,” I say, but I’m feeling noncommittal. It feels too dangerous to be otherwise.

A waitress appears with a bottle of champagne and some menus.

“Is this okay?” Fred asks.

“Yes, looks lovely.”

The waitress uncorks the bottle and explains the menu. Fred asks if they can bring us a selection of dishes, including the seafood rice. She nods encouragingly, pours us each a glass of wine, and then leaves.

Fred holds up his glass to me.

I raise mine. “What should we toast to?”

“Reunions?”

We clink glasses and I take a long drink. The wine is perfect, the setting too.

So, what’s wrong with me?

“What’s wrong, Olivia?”

“I was just asking myself that same thing.”

“It’s too much,” Fred says. “I did too much.”

“You could’ve called me.”

He sips his wine, then puts the glass down. “Could I, though? I thought about it. A million times. Texting you. All of it. But each time I almost did I thought—what if she doesn’t answer? What if she tells me to fuck off? The what-ifs always stopped me.”

“I get it.”

“Same for you?”

“Yes. I’ve thought about you often. Not that I wanted to, if I’m being honest. I was a … mess the last time. It took me a long time to recover.”

“Me too.”

Our eyes meet and hold. He has a look in his eyes that I don’t recognize until I do. Regret.

“We really screwed that one up,” I say.

“It was my fault. Being so stubborn. Giving you this.” He reaches for the engagement charm. “I don’t know why I was so stuck on being married. Everything was great the way it was. We could’ve made long distance work.”

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