Page 140 of Secrets of Graves and Gold

A flinch ripples through my body at the comparison.

I manage another chuckle. “I don’t think creating beauty and pleasure is anything like their awful cause.”

Ivy grimaces. “Okay, maybe it’s a slight exaggeration—but my point still stands. Nobody’s supposed to be able to demand that other people give up their lives in service.”

“It’s my calling. I chose it; I enjoy it. No one gets to decide how every part of their life turns out.”

It’s Ivy’s turn to wince, though I wasn’t even thinking of her situation when I made my last remark.

She sets her hand on my shoulder. “You have options. You can make your life about whatever you want it to be. If Ardone would punish you—or all of us—because you haven’t been fulfilling your mother’s legacy for a few months or some bullshit like that, then she isn’t a godlen worth serving.”

“Ivy—”

“No,” she says. “You’ve fought and spied and scavenged and so many other things so we could make it this far toward saving the kingdom from the worst villains it’s faced in five hundred years. All of that counts, even if it doesn’t fit with being a courtesan.” She kicks at a stray pebble on the floor. “Be glad that you can pitch in by all those means.”

I don’t need to ask to understand what she means. “You’ve offered more than your magic, Ivy.”

“Sure. A little.” Her head droops. “For just a moment this morning, I felt hopeful. But all I did was find out more information we don’t know how to react to. I’ve been wracking my brain for hours, and I haven’t come up with a single way I could block the scourge sorcerers’ attack for more than a second or two without using my power.”

“It isn’t all on you. We’ll figure something out together.”

“But I’m the only one who could do it—who could wipe them all out in a matter of minutes, just by wanting to.”

The laugh that tumbles out of her next is so dark it scares me. “If I truly care about the people they’ll hurt, maybe that’s what I should do. What the gods would want from me. Why Kosmel set me on this course to begin with. Forget about my sanity, forget about the innocent people in the mix who’ve been duped—blast them all away and have Stavros ready to put me down before I can harm anyone else.”

The horror that rushes through me at her suggestion drowns out every other sensation.

I wrap my arms around her and hug her close, an anguished burn coming into the back of my eyes. “Don’t say that, Ivy. Don’t ever even think that. You are not a sacrifice.”

Ivy tips her head against my shoulder. She sounds choked up herself. “How is it any different from you giving up your life to replace your mother? I’d be saving the whole kingdom.”

Gods help me, have I pushed her toward thinking this way?

I tighten my embrace, grappling with the torrent of emotions coursing through my body.

Is what she said now how it sounds to her when I talk about fulfilling my mother’s legacy? But that damage was already done by my arrival on this earth?—

I suppose Ivy could say the same thing about the damage she’s inadvertently caused in the past.

“No,” I murmur. “I don’t believe it that far. We both deserve to live. We deserve to have some part of our lives that belong to us. We can find our own ways to serve our gods without giving up everything that matters to us. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that.”

But believing it and feeling it in every moment aren’t always the same thing.

Ivy lets out a shaky breath. “I want a life of my own too. I just— I don’t know if I’d want to live in a realm taken over by scourge sorcerers anyway. What if I’m the only chance Silana has? The king’s hands are tied trying to protect the country against the Darium threat as well. And he thinks we’re the enemy.”

A snort escapes her that sounds more like her usual self. “Everyone’s against us, even the people we’re trying to save.”

I rub my hand up and down her back. “We’ll prove him wrong. And we may find support in places we’re not expecting it. Look at Rheave. He started out as the scourge sorcerers’ tool, but then he became our ally… and now he’s even more than that to you.”

Ivy stiffens just slightly. “I?—”

“It’s okay,” I tell her before she has a chance to think I’m accusing her rather than simply acknowledging. “I love seeing that you’ve found even more happiness. But who would have thought it’d come from such an unexpected place?”

“True.” Ivy hugs me back and then leans into my embrace with a sigh. “It doesn’t seem as if any of the other captured daimon have been able to shake off the scourge sorcerers’ control. And nothing we’ve done has rattled their supporters in the march enough for them to question whether the Order of the Wild really has good intentions. I don’t see who…”

She pauses for long enough that I pull back to check her expression. Her eyes have lit with a feverish sort of glint.

Ivy straightens up. She stays silent for several more seconds, wetting her lips, before meeting my eyes. “Casimir, if I had an idea that sounded insane but didn’t involve me going insane… would you trust me enough to try it?”

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