Page 119 of Secrets of Graves and Gold

I shove the memories to the back of my head. Guilt has soured the first brief rush of exhilaration that came with the passion in his words.

I’ve already devoted myself to three other men. Three men who showed their devotion to me ever so vividly last night.

How could I give in to the impulse to kiss Rheave? I don’t think I can blame my magic for that lapse of judgment.

This is insane, though, isn’t it? He’s an ageless spirit creature in a conjured body. I don’t even know how to explain it.

Curse it all. How can I look them in the eyes now?

But I have to. For them and for Rheave.

I might not know what to make of all the feelings he’s stirred up, but I’m completely sure that I never want to see him pushed to the desperate brink again. He needs to know that we all want him here.

When I reach the edge of the small clearing Stavros picked out, the three men all glance over from the shelter they’ve already started constructing out of branches under the former general’s guidance.

Casimir’s forehead furrows as he takes in the arrows I’m holding. “What happened to Rheave? Isn’t he coming back?”

“He is,” I say, setting down the quiver next to the bow. “He was just upset after the incident at the temple, feeling that he’d put us in a bad situation, and he was thinking of…” My throat constricts for a moment before I force the words out. “Of killing his body so the scourge sorcerers can’t control it anymore.”

Alek jerks to his feet with a flash of distress crossing his dark face. “He shouldn’t do that. He’s got as much right to the life he has now as any of us do.”

His immediate support warms me despite the churning of my stomach. “I told him that as well as I could. I think he was already struggling with the decision—he didn’t really want to go through with it. He’s taking a little more time to gather himself, but I made him promise that he’d return in one piece.”

Casimir’s gaze glides over me, his deep blue eyes turned darker with worry. “And when he does, we’ll do everything we can to assure him that we all value his company. I’m glad you were able to talk him down, but that must have been difficult to witness. I’m sorry you had to handle it alone. I could go find him now and start the rest of the conversation.”

My skin itches with self-consciousness. Great God filet and fry me, I can’t let Casimir apologize to me when I’m the one who fucked up.

“I think we should give him some space,” I say. “He asked for a little time alone.”

Stavros frowns. “Are you sure he won’t do anything drastic now?”

“I believe his promise.”

The way he looked at me when he said he’d never hurt me on purpose. The memory of his brilliant eyes sears through me.

I sink onto a fallen log at the edge of the glade. The only honorable thing I can do is spit out the truth.

“There’s something else. When I was talking with him, he got so emotional, and I just wanted to show him how much everything he’s done means to me—I don’t know…”

Stavros turns to fully face me, his frown deepening. “What is it, Ivy?”

I look down at my hands. “I kissed him. I’m sorry. It was just supposed to be a quick peck—not that even that would necessarily be all right—but he kissed me back and it ended up going on a little longer. And then I realized I was being an idiot and pulled away, but… what’s done is done.”

There’s a moment of silence. It’s broken by a soft laugh that tumbles over Casimir’s lips.

My gaze flicks upward with a jolt of surprise.

The courtesan shakes his head at me, nothing but fondness in his expression. “I was wondering when it’d come to that.”

“You thought— But I’m with the three of you?—”

“I don’t think any of us could quite match the daimon’s level of dedication,” Casimir says lightly. “He’s proven his devotion to you dozens of times over. And he’s proven himself an essential part of this group as time’s gone on, I think. He’s brought a different sort of light. I’m not surprised you were drawn to him.”

It’s easy for him to see things so casually when he’s had dozens, maybe hundreds of past partners. Sharing never gave him the slightest hesitation.

“I still shouldn’t have acted on what I was feeling like that.” I glance at Alek and Stavros. “I don’t want him instead of you. I don’t even know how much I actually want him. Nothing else needs to happen. I’ve been so happy with what we have… I don’t want to ruin it.”

Alek hesitates and then speaks in a careful tone. “How exactly do you feel about him?”

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