Page 84 of The Summer Swap

“You’re kind to my grandmother. Thank you.”

“She is the one who has been kind to me. She let me stay here when she should have thrown me out. Without her I would have ended up back at home. And she listened to me.” She put her fork down. “For the first time ever, I felt as if someone cared what I thought.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” His voice was gruff. “You should have called me. You always used to when things got tough.”

She picked up her fork again and focused on her chicken. “That was before.”

“Before what?”

Before Amelie. “Before I realized that no one could solve this but me.” She finished her salad.

“I know how much pressure your parents put on you.” He glanced at her. “I’ve known you for a long time, Lily, don’t forget that. This salad is delicious, by the way. What’s in the dressing?”

“Lemon. Olive oil. Herbs. It’s just something I threw together. Help yourself. I’ve eaten all I want to eat for now.” It was true they’d known each other for years, but over the past few days something felt different. New.

He served himself another portion. “You can’t live your life trying to please your parents, Lily. But you already know that.”

“Yes. But disappointing them is hard. It’s the reason I needed distance. I was worried that if I stayed at home, they might have persuaded me to go back.”

He looked troubled. “Why would they do that? You didn’t tell them how you felt?”

“I tried, but they didn’t get it. They didn’t understand that I found it emotionally exhausting. And terrifying.” It stressed her to think about it. “And also nauseating.”

“The blood and guts?”

“No. The responsibility. The idea that someone’s life might depend on me having the right knowledge—I didn’t find it empowering or fulfilling. It gave me panic attacks. It was the pinnacle of pressure. All my life I’ve been worried about failing an exam, of not living up to people’s expectations, but that was just an exam. If you fail, no one dies. But medicine...” she paused “...that was on a whole different level. In medical school if you get something wrong, do something or miss something, someone can die. And plenty of people are fine with that level of responsibility. They thrive on it. Hannah is one of them. But I’m not Hannah.”

“Which is a relief.” He finished his salad. “I love my sister but sometimes her intensity makes me want to lie down in a dark room. Did you tell her how you felt?”

“I tried once, but she dismissed it. She told me I’d be fine. That I was great with people, that kind of thing.”

His mouth tightened. “In other words, she didn’t listen.”

“I think it’s more that she couldn’t understand the way I was feeling. She didn’t know what to say. But in a way that contributed to my sense of isolation. There was literally no one I could talk to about it. No one who understood. No one was in my corner.” She could feel herself becoming emotional. “Do you want more food?”

“No thanks. I couldn’t eat another thing.” He reached for her plate and stacked it on top of his. “Was that why the two of you had a falling-out? Because you wanted to give up medicine?”

“She told you that we fell out?”

“Yes. It came out during a delightful shouting match. She was the one shouting, by the way. She obviously didn’t like Amelie, but wouldn’t say why, just accused me of being stupid for not seeing who she really was, and then she yelled something about how you’d feel about it, which made no sense to me.”

Lily stared at him. “When was this?”

“I don’t know. Not long. A couple of months?”

After she’d left medicine. After she and Hannah had stopped communicating.

Hannah had still been thinking about her. Worrying about her.

Hannah had been upset with her brother because she’d known how Lily would feel about him dating Amelie.

She’d thought Hannah didn’t care, but maybe she did.

Hannah hadn’t called her, but her friend was stubborn and proud. And Lily hadn’t called her, either. All it needed was for one of them to give a little. All it needed was for one of them to believe their friendship was worth fighting for. And she did believe that.

“We should get back to work.” She stood up, but he caught her hand.

“Wait. I want to ask you something.” He held her hand tightly. “Why did Hannah think you’d be upset that I was dating Amelie?”

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