Page 66 of The Summer Swap

She’d made no decisions. Apart from removing Cameron’s paintings from her bedroom, she’d basically frozen her life. But now it was time to change that.

She felt a new sense of purpose. She’d been trying to work out how to push Cameron into the background, but what she should have been doing was working out how to step into the foreground. This wasn’t about him. It was about her.

She thought about the planner Todd had given her. At the time she’d thought she’d have no use for it, but now she wondered whether she might have been wrong about that.

She nibbled at the roll. It tasted just the way she remembered. Sweet and satisfying.

“This is good. While I’m savoring it, tell me everything about you.”

“You go first, although I know some of it of course because you’re pretty much a public figure. I bet you hated that.”

The fact that he knew her that well, warmed her. “Tell me what you know, and I’ll fill in the blanks.”

“You had two children. Boy and a girl.”

“Yes.” She told him about Kristen and Winston, and about her grandchildren and he told her about his two girls, and their two girls.

“I’m surrounded by women.”

She smiled. “And you love it.”

“Yes. And they’re good people. The girls helped me clear out the house and make a fresh start here, and they visit frequently. Helps that I live by the beach of course. The grandkids love that. They’re still at the age where making sandcastles is fun. And now let’s get to the real stuff. Why haven’t you been back to the cottage before now?”

She could have skirted over the truth. She could have muttered something about being busy, about the time never being right, but this was Seth. Seth, who had once meant everything to her. Seth, who had known Cameron and who had known her in those early days.

And so she told him everything. She told him about the affair, about the almost divorce and the rocky times that had followed.

“Even good relationships go through rocky times, but an affair—” He broke off and muttered something under his breath. “I always knew you were too good for him. Did it happen more than once?”

“He told me that it didn’t.”

“And you believed him?”

“I don’t know. I wanted to. We made it work for the children, and by the time the children left home we’d fallen into a rhythm. It’s a funny thing. You think you know exactly what you’d do when faced with a certain situation, but when you find yourself in that situation it isn’t always so clear.”

“Who was she?”

“A girl who modeled for him. He said that it shouldn’t have happened, but she was there—he was flattered by her attention. I believed that part. Cameron was insecure. He suffered from terrible imposter syndrome. Even when his work started to sell, when he became famous and sought-after—he never quite believed it. He needed constant reassurance that he was as good as people said he was. He didn’t believe in himself.” She almost said more, but she stopped herself. No matter how honest she could be with Seth, there were some confidences she wouldn’t break. Some secrets that were best kept. “When he was in public, he was a different person. Confident. Once he was simply an artist alone with a canvas the insecurity would hit.”

Seth finished his roll and wiped his fingers. “So that was his excuse for the affair. Insecurity.” He looked at her steadily. “You deserved better.”

“I thought so, too, which was why I asked him to leave.” She told him about the accident. Those horrific nights in the hospital, and the aftermath. “Kristen always blamed me. Our relationship never really recovered, even when Cameron and I were truly back together. She was always Daddy’s girl.”

“Did she know about the affair?”

“No. She was too young, and as she grew up I could never bring myself to shatter the image she had of her father. They worked closely together. She worshipped him. And Cameron was an excellent father. Engaged and hands-on, even when his work was demanding. I could never fault him for that.”

“And you didn’t want to tarnish their view of him.” He sighed. “You’re a good person, Cecilia.”

“Oh no, not at all. There were plenty of times when I wanted to tell her—I had a childish desire to see her affections transferred to me. But common sense held me back. Fortunately, because I don’t think telling the truth would have been helpful for anyone.”

“You don’t think she suspected?”

“I don’t think so.”

“And how about now? You’re not close?”

She thought about Kristen laughing with Jeff. Kristen and Theo. The fact that she hadn’t known that Michael had been killed. “We see each other regularly. She’s attentive. Dutiful I suppose. But we don’t talk about anything deep. And that’s my fault.” She felt a stab of regret. She should have done better. She’d resolved to do better, which was why she’d finally called Kristen. And it had been a good conversation, even though Kristen had told her little about how she was feeling. It was obvious that she’d been surprised that her mother had called. Even more surprised that she was asking how she was. Cecilia had found a mention of Michael’s accident on a local news site, so there had been no need to reveal that the information had come from Todd.

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