Page 92 of The Summer Swap

“At the hospital when he died, I handled it on my own. I cried on my own. I’ve become used to handling things on my own. But the thing about doing things alone, Theo, is that eventually you realize that not only do you feel alone, but you are alone. And when my father died, I realized just how alone I really am.” She felt drained. Exhausted. She needed this conversation to end, or she wouldn’t have the energy to leave the house and she was determined to leave the house.

“I know you felt terrible when your father died,” Theo muttered, “but I didn’t know what to do.”

“Acknowledging it would have been a start. Saying I’m here for you, or offering some gesture of support. The type of support I’ve been giving you since Michael died. But you didn’t give me that. You weren’t there for me. You’re never there for me. And do you know what makes it worse? You were there for Michael. You supported him when he needed it, so I can’t even tell myself you’re not capable of it. You’re perfectly capable of doing that for other people. Just not for your wife.” She picked up her jacket. “I’m always handling things alone because you’re not around, so let’s make it official. Let’s formalize this arrangement and stop pretending we’re a team. It’s all about expectation, Theo. I end up handling everything by myself anyway, so I might as well be by myself.”

“You’re very upset,” he said, “but we can’t fix things if you leave. I don’t understand why you’d leave.”

“I know you don’t. And that’s why I’m leaving. Because even now you’re not hearing me. I don’t believe things can be fixed.” What did she have to do to make him understand? What did she have to say to make him pay attention? “Do you have any idea how lonely my life is? I almost had an affair, Theo. I met a man who cared about me, who was interested in me, and who listened to me, and it was such a novelty after years of being invisible that for a short while I was truly happy. I’d forgotten how it felt to be happy. And I didn’t sleep with him, I wasn’t unfaithful—physically at least—but that relationship showed me just what was missing from my life.”

Theo was breathing rapidly. “You’ve been seeing someone? That’s why you’re leaving?”

“It was a fleeting friendship and it’s over. That has nothing to do with us. I’m leaving because I want more than you’re able to offer. I deserve more. You’ve chosen your life, and your priorities, and I have to accept that. But I have a right to choose my life, and my priorities. The life I live matters, too. I deserve not to feel lonely. I deserve to find happiness, or at least contentment, where I can. I deserve to be more than your support team.”

Theo looked shell-shocked. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.” She hadn’t even thought that far. “I think I’m just going to follow my mother’s example and disappear for a while.”

“On your own?”

“I’ll be fine on my own.” She picked up her bag and her suitcase. “I’ve had plenty of practice.”

18

Cecilia

“What if I don’t like what they’ve done?” Cecilia parked the car outside the cottage and glanced at Seth. “I’ll end up keeping the place just to please my grandson.”

“Stop worrying.” He reached for her hand. “Let’s just look round and take it a step at a time.”

His steady, practical approach to everything was calming.

She glanced down at their hands. “These last few days have been—”

“I know.” He tightened his hand on hers. “Unexpected.”

“More than that. They’ve been a gift. I hadn’t realized how lonely I’d been feeling until I spent time with you. I was stuck in a place in my life with no idea how to move forward.”

“And now?”

She smiled. “I’m following your advice and taking it a step at a time.”

Still, she felt ridiculously nervous as they walked around to the front door of the cottage. She was nervous about the transformation, but mostly she was nervous about the fact that she was bringing Seth here. She was making their relationship public, and she wasn’t sure how that would be received by her family.

“Nanna!” Todd had clearly been watching for their arrival because he sprinted down the steps and scooped up her bags. “You’ve been shopping. That’s good.”

“You left me no choice. You told me to stay away while you finished the place, and I hadn’t packed anything.”

“You wouldn’t have wanted to be breathing in paint fumes and tripping over planks of wood. You must be Seth.” Todd gave Seth a warm smile and extended his hand. “Great to meet you. Come in and see the place. Lily is waiting to give you the tour.”

He was so easy with everyone, Cecilia thought. So comfortable and accepting. Her heart sank a little as she contemplated Kristen’s reaction to this latest development. She was unlikely to be so open to this new change in her mother’s life.

Still, that wasn’t today’s problem.

Todd seemed relaxed and for now that was all that mattered. She was pleased now that he’d come to check on her. There was no doubt that her life improved when he was around.

Lily appeared next to Todd. She was wearing a pair of cutoff denim shorts that showed off her long legs, a tiny hot pink top, and her hair was caught up in a ponytail. But what really caught Cecilia’s attention was the smile she exchanged with Todd. It was intimate and loving. Familiar.

She glanced at Seth, who winked at her and urged her up the steps to the door.

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