Page 36 of The Summer Swap

“Apart from you.” Cecilia seemed to relax. She smiled for the first time since Lily had walked into the house. “That’s good.”

Was it?

“You’re not angry?”

“That you stayed here? No. It makes me feel better to know that the place has had a use and that you found it comforting.” Cecilia looked around the cottage, her eyes lingering on the spaces where the paintings had hung, and then moving to the painting that remained. “Cameron and I felt the same way in those early days. It’s the reason we bought it. It has barely changed. It’s full of memories.”

Did Cecilia think she’d violated those memories?

“I haven’t changed anything. I used the upstairs room but not the sheets. I rolled my sleeping bag on top of the bed. And it’s good for showers to be used regularly—I would have run them as part of my caretaking duties, so it didn’t seem too awful to stand under it myself occasionally.” There didn’t seem any point in holding anything back. “And I used the studio. The light is fantastic.” Lily hoped she wouldn’t ask to see something she’d painted. That would be too awkward. “I see now how totally wrong it was to stay here. You were expecting privacy and that’s what you need.”

Cecilia stirred. “Who knows you’re staying here?”

“No one. No one comes out this far, unless something needs fixing.”

“Friends? Colleagues? Do they not wonder where you’re living?”

“I haven’t made close friends since I’ve been here.” She’d needed space to lick her wounds and decide what she was going to do. She hadn’t wanted questions. “I’ve been vague about where I’m staying. I didn’t want anyone to know, for obvious reasons.”

Cecilia touched the dressing on her wrist. “You’re sure you haven’t mentioned it to Hannah.”

Lily felt misery wash over her. “We haven’t spoken in months. We had a falling-out. She doesn’t know where I am, and I don’t think she’d care.” It was something she never thought she’d hear herself say, because Hannah had been the best friend she’d ever had. And she’d discovered that you could be angry with someone, and still miss them. And she missed Hannah. She missed her laugh. She missed Hannah’s confidence, some of which had seeped into Lily. Hannah had never wondered if she was good enough. Hannah never felt like a fraud or a fake. She’d never had a panic attack before an exam. Hannah knew exactly what she wanted, and attacked life with an energy that was exhausting for everyone around her. Until Lily had met Hannah, she hadn’t known it was possible for a person to survive on so little sleep. Hannah had joked that she’d been born to be a doctor. She’d teased Lily for being hopeless in the morning, for being almost incoherent until she’d had her first cup of coffee. She’d teased Lily for being in love with Todd.

Cecilia was watching her closely. “Friendships can be complicated, particularly as we grow older and our paths diverge. I’m sorry to hear you had a falling-out. For what it’s worth I’m sure Hannah does care. I hope the two of you manage to sort it out. Relationships can bring the greatest pain and the greatest happiness.”

“Yes.” Lily had never heard anyone articulate it quite so perfectly. She found herself warming to Cecilia, and not only because she hadn’t displayed the usual reaction to the news that Lily had chosen to give up medicine. They’d only just met, and yet it felt as if she’d known Cecilia forever.

Cecilia sat up straighter. “I don’t want people to know I’m here, so for my own selfish reasons I’m pleased you’re not in touch with my granddaughter. I’m going to ask you not to tell anyone.”

“I won’t. But won’t your family worry about you?” Lily imagined the Lapthorne family all trying to track down Cecilia. She hoped none of them would turn up while she was here.

The idea that Todd might show up with Amelie made her cold with panic.

“I left them a note saying that I needed some time to myself. I plan to message them later to let them know I’m safe. I’m hoping they will respect my need for some alone time. But either way they don’t know about this place, so there is no way they will come here.”

Lily wondered why Cecilia felt the need to hide from her family. She wondered why she’d smashed the paintings. Why she was here on her own. “Yesterday was your party.”

“You know about that?”

“My mother bumped into Kristen. She mentioned it. The party was the reason you left?”

“Let’s just say it was the trigger. The final straw.” Cecilia stood up. “It seems we both have secrets.”

“Yes.” Lily waited. “Is there anything you need me to do around the place before I go?”

Cecilia frowned. “Go? Where are you going?”

“I start work at ten, and I need to find somewhere to stay tonight.”

“There’s no need for that. You can stay here.”

“Stay?” Lily stared at her. “But you’re here. You came here for peace and quiet. For an escape.”

Cecilia glanced at the cottage. “That’s not why I came. For me the cottage comes with memories. It’s hard to escape when you’re surrounded by reminders of the thing you’re trying to forget.” She took a breath. “I plan on selling the place. I doubt I’ll be here for more than a few days. In the meantime, I’m sure we can share the space quite comfortably. I will use the second bedroom. You are welcome to the master or the loft room.”

Stay? Share the space?

Her head spun, her brain circling through different scenarios. She hadn’t thought for a moment that Cecilia would let her stay.

---