Page 21 of The Summer Swap

She stared straight ahead for a moment, bracing herself for what was to come.

This was the part she’d been dreading. Up until now she’d managed to fool herself that this journey was nothing more than a scenic road trip. An escape.

What was coming next was reality. Cameron was gone, but the farther she drove north the more he seemed alive again. The memories were everywhere and once she reached the cottage, she’d be surrounded by them.

She had a sudden urge to delay her arrival for as long as possible.

Switching off the engine she retrieved Todd’s gift from her suitcase and unwrapped it.

At first she thought he’d given her a notebook, but then she realized it was a planner, the cover inlaid with silver foil, the pattern subtle and beautiful.

A planner, for the year ahead.

She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. What was she supposed to do with this? She didn’t need a planner for the life she was living.

She opened it and a note fell out. She recognized Todd’s writing.

Take it a day at a time, Nanna.

Her vision swam and for a moment she clutched the planner and then put it carefully back in her bag.

She had no use for it, but she appreciated the sentiment.

Right now, the only day she needed to get through was this one.

Grabbing her sweater, she locked the car and headed toward the beach.

Perhaps what lay ahead would seem easier if she arrived after dark.

5

Lily

Lily worked on her painting, lost in her own creation, until the sun set and the light faded.

It calmed her mind and she wished, for a moment, that this could be a job. That her parents might understand and say our daughter is an artist with the same pride they would have said our daughter is a doctor.

But she wasn’t an artist, was she? She was just someone who enjoyed painting.

And her parents didn’t understand.

It was up to her to find a way to make this life work. So far she hadn’t managed that.

She took a shower, changed into shorts and an old T-shirt, and poured herself a glass of homemade lemonade from the jug she’d filled the day before.

She didn’t feel like eating so she sat for an hour on the deck, nursing her lemonade and appreciating the warmth of the evening. Slivers of light danced across the surface of the water and the air smelled of salt and summer. She shifted her gaze from the ocean to the vast inky sky patterned with shimmering stars and felt her problems shrink.

Here, perched on the edge of a continent, her past life felt a long way away.

It felt like a place for forgetting. For forgiving. For planning a fresh start.

Somewhere out there medical students were hunched over laptops studying. They were studying anatomy, physiology, pathology and pharmacology.

She was relieved not to be one of them. She might not know what she wanted to do exactly, but she knew what she didn’t want to do.

She finished her drink, and headed to bed.

It wasn’t late, but she was tired. Since the night she’d packed her bags and walked out of medical school she often felt tired, mostly because she didn’t sleep well. The moment she closed her eyes her past swirled round and round in her brain. During the day optimism won. She felt hopeful and saw possibilities. Everything was going to work out. At night her brain punched optimism in the face, and she saw only obstacles and looming catastrophe. Instead of thinking I’ve done the right thing, she thought, What have I done?

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