Page 42 of Maddest Temptation

“No, Mamma, it’s me, Francesca.” I corrected her.

“Oh.” Her blue eyes settled on me.

“Jesus, please, settle down, no need to be so excited.” I watched the machines just to make sure everything was okay. Not that I understood much of what was going on, but at least her heart was beating.

“I’m not,”she countered dryly.

“Truthful as always.”I sighed and headed toward my usual place beside her bed.

Dr. Conrad said things could and would get worse, he also warned me that my mother could lose some of her memory. Which explained why she was calling for her dead son? It pained me every time, to remind her Savio wasn’t coming, but at least she would quickly forget that, too.

I picked up the food tray and inspected what they had brought up for her to eat. Mamma never ate much, but with chemo and the strong medication, she needed more food in her body. I often cooked for her, but she refused that, too. She was a hard woman to please.

“Mamma, you have to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry,” she rebuked like a petulant child.

“Well, you’ll have to eat it anyway.”

“Cazzo, Francesca, I’m not hungry.” That was also new. The swearing and the cursing. They were getting more common as the days passed, and I seemed to annoy her more.

“One banana, and I swear I’ll leave you alone.”

“If that’s what it takes for you to leave, then I’ll take all of them.”

“You’re a ray of sunshine.” I kissed her cheek and gave her the banana, and she swatted me away.

The doctor had told me her mood would be one of the first thing to be affected. He didn’t know I was already used to them. I had been the one closest to her when growing up, therefore, I had been the subject of my mother’s hateful words all my life. Even now, I did my best to ignore them. I knew she was passing through a hard phase, she needed someone to unload her rage on, and if that helped her feel better, then I would be here for her.

She ate her banana slowly and it was obvious she didn’t want it. After a few bites, I took it from her and finished the thing myself.

“When is Savio coming?”

“He won’t be coming today.”

“And Marco?”she asked hopefully.

“It’s just me, Mamma, like always.” I tried to sound enthusiastic about it, but I knew she wouldn’t be. Her boys were her world, always had been.

“Don’t you have a life?”

“I-I…” Her question took me by surprise and I was actually speechless. “My husband passed away, Mamma.”

“I know that, Francesca, I am not senile,” she snapped. My jaw dropped. Then stop asking me about your dead son. “Shouldn’t you be out there instead of in here?”

“I have nothing else to do,” I answered honestly. No life to go back to other than this.

“That’s sad, Francesca,” she stated, and I had to agree. “You’re young, you should be out there looking for a husband.”

I sighed loudly. It wasn’t the first time she had said such a thing. My mother didn’t know that Donato already had someone lined up for me to marry when my mourning period was over. He was that fast.

“Yes, Mamma,” I agreed and turned my attention toward the new tulips I had brought yesterday.

I arranged them quietly and felt my mother’s eyes trailing me the entire time as I did so. Like cooking, they offered me a kind of bliss that I could only find in drugs and alcohol. Since my pills were almost over and my stash was gone, I had to content myself with these little things. Which ended with me cooking too much food every day and buying so many flowers my apartment looked like a florist shop.

Mamma was right, I needed something to do with my life.

“Has your father come to visit?”Mamma asked when I finally stopped fussing about the flowers and sat by her bed.

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