Page 47 of Trick of Light

Bethany removed her scrubs, mask, goggles, and hair covering, stepped into the private shower next to her office, and turned on the piping-hot water. As always, during surgery, her back and leg muscles were tight and needed to be loosened bit by bit. Slowly, she inhaled and exhaled, returning to herself. Performing surgery was an act of meditation; it was an act of letting go of herself and focusing on the patient. And this time, she’d gotten it right.

The tumor was removed entirely from Felix’s spine. The question of whether or not the cancer had spread prior to surgery would be dealt with this week after Felix healed up a bit more. They weren’t fully out of the woods yet, but Bethany could already see the light.

That was the thing about catching cancer early enough, she thought as she slipped on a pair of jeans and buttoned them to the top. Science and medicine found a way to guide you away from the darkness. The Suttons just hadn’t been able to meet Joel’s illness in time. He’d been tremendously active, alive with his arms opened wide to the promise of his future—until he hadn’t been anymore.

“Great job, Doc,” Nurse Hannah said in the next office. Hannah had been with Bethany in the operating room. She was the only person in the entire hospital who knew Bethany’s close association with the patient. “It was a clean surgery. Everything went exactly to plan.”

“It’s all we can hope for, right?”

Hannah nodded. From under her desk, she procured a Tupperware container filled with chocolate chip cookies and handed Bethany one. Bethany laughed and broke it apart, suddenly conscious of her hunger. A few other doctors and nurses breezed in and out, congratulating Bethany on her surgery and welcoming her back to the hospital.

When they had the room to themselves again, Hannah said under her breath, “Are you back for good? Or just for this surgery?”

Bethany grimaced and set down the second half of her cookie.

“I mean, it’s been such a mystery around here.” Hannah tugged at her ponytail. “You and Nick have been absent. Nobody’s heard from Bob Waterstone. It’s like the reign of the Waterstones has officially ended. And the people at the top, the people who handle the money, don’t really know what to do with themselves. Normally, decisions are made easily, with cues from Bob.” Hannah tried to laugh because she and Bethany had previously joked about the “Waterstone reign.” But she sensed something amiss and stopped smiling.

“I thought things were going to change around here,” Hannah said. “Now that you were named instead of Nick. I thought we were going to make real progress.”

Bethany sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m leaving Savannah.”

Hannah sucked in her cheeks. “Oh no.”

“Obviously, Nick and I haven’t been on great terms for a while,” Bethany said. “That promotion was probably the final nail in our coffin. And ever since his recent debacle in surgery, he’s hardly left his office. That’s why I left. That’s why I took the kids. It’s all a horrible nightmare, one I keep expecting to wake up from. But there it is.”

Hannah removed the Tupperware from beneath her desk and handed Bethany another cookie. “I think you need this.”

Bethany chuckled good-naturedly and wiped away a tear. “That little boy we operated on today is the grandson of my first love,” she added quietly.

Hannah’s eyes widened. “Already a grandson? At your age?”

Bethany nodded. “It’s a complicated story. Basically, when I was seventeen, I went away to Manhattan to do a high school internship at the NYU Hospital.”

“No surprise there. You were always a genius, weren’t you?”

Hannah said it kindly, joyously—a contrast to Nick’s continual insult of “Well, aren’t you a genius.” Why had Bethany stood for that for so long?

“I was with Rod at the time.” A blush crawled up Bethany’s neck and cheeks. “We were going long distances, talking on the phone all the time. But the stress of the internship got to me. I was genuinely insane.”

“You were seventeen!” Hannah said. “You were under tremendous stress!”

“But I shouldn’t have broken up with him,” Bethany breathed. “He didn’t know what to do with himself. I’m sure he was lonely and aimless. I’d completely abandoned him. And he met another woman while I was away and got her pregnant.”

Hannah’s jaw dropped. Silence rang around them. Bethany realized she hadn’t spoken about this at all, not fully, not since it happened. It almost felt like it had happened to somebody else.

“Did he marry her?” Hannah asked.

Bethany shook her head. “He never did. As far as I know, they never even became a couple. But that was it for me. I totally escaped into myself. I avoided the outside world, studied constantly, and moved to Savannah to pursue my medical degree. It wasn’t until I met Nick that I opened myself up again.” She sniffed. “And it wasn’t till a few years after that that I realized Nick wasn’t the right one to do that with.”

“You’re not the first woman to marry an idiot,” Hannah offered.

Bethany chortled with surprise. “Nick’s not an idiot.”

“He is for letting you go. For belittling you,” Hannah insisted. “He never understood how special you are. And that makes him an idiot in my eyes.”

Bethany took another bite of the chocolate chip cookie and let the chocolate melt across her tongue.

“Is the patient’s grandfather here in Savannah?” Hannah asked.

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