Page 37 of Trick of Light

Bethany remained quiet.

“I haven’t heard from you in a week. I’ve been worried sick. I know things have been difficult for you this summer. I know you’ve been under a lot of stress.” Rod sighed. “I’m sorry. I just love you. And I got it in my head that you’d met someone else. A brilliant guy at the hospital.” He laughed to himself, trying to generate goodwill between them again. “Someone who could actually match your intellect.”

But Bethany felt too far gone to smile. “Yeah. It’s been stressful. Just a lot of stuff going on.” She swallowed. “I’m sure you’ve kept yourself busy?”

“Here and there. Work. Friends.” Rod sighed as his tone dropped again. “Should I come down there, Bethany? Do you need help?”

Bethany stiffened. She imagined Rod coming into her dorm room and finding her here—a string bean of a person without a soul.

“I don’t need help, Rod,” she said. “You know I can do everything on my own.”

“Is that what you think?” Rod’s anger shivered through his words.

Bethany sensed them dipping into dangerous territory.

“I guess that’s why you didn’t call me,” Rod said. “Because you don’t need me. Because you wanted me to get it through my thick head.”

Bethany’s eyes filled with tears. That wasn’t it. That hadn’t been it at all. But she couldn’t tell him. She thrummed with shock and homesickness.

“Say something,” Rod begged.

Bethany sighed. “Maybe we were stupid to try to make this work this summer. I’m so busy. And you’re clearly having a ball in Nantucket.”

Rod’s voice broke with tears. “You’re really doing this. You’re really breaking up with me. Aren’t you?”

“I just think it’s dumb,” Bethany said, speaking from a hollow and horrible part of herself. “You could be having a beautiful summer, but instead, you’re inside, on the phone, talking to me.”

“I want to be talking to you,” Rod insisted. “I miss you. I love you.” He paused. “Don’t you miss and love me, too?”

Bethany’s heart and soul screamed yes! But she was depressed and aimless. All she could do was shove him as far away from her as she could.

“I need to focus,” Bethany told him. “I can’t be distracted by your needs back in Nantucket. Why don’t we take a break? People do it all the time.”

Bethany again felt like a much older woman, operating with a different set of rules and facts. She sat upright in bed and stared at a stain on the far wall. There was silence on the other end. For a moment, Bethany feared that Rod had hung up.

“Is that what you really want?” Rod asked finally.

“Yes,” Bethany said, her face twitching. “Definitely.”

“Okay, then,” Rod said. He sounded so sad and defeated. Bethany’s heart cracked in half. “Let’s take a break.”

And he hung up the phone.

Bethany returned the phone to its cradle and splayed her hands across her thighs. Her first instinct was to scream, but she wasn’t sure she had the energy. So she lay back in bed and stared into space, listening to the city’s horns scream around her. The energy was untranslatable. Nantucket seemed like an impossible world, one she’d never fully known. Maybe she would never see it again. Maybe that was what it took to be a “real doctor.” You had to remove all sense of love, happiness, and comfort from your life in order to succeed.

Still, in the back corner of her mind, Bethany knew that a “break” didn’t mean a full “breakup.” She and Rod were too much in love to give it all up. Weren’t they?

Chapter Seventeen

Present Day

Two days after Bethany met Rod, Renee, and Felix for the first time, Felix’s doctor sent along his medical files, officially transferring the responsibility to Bethany. Bethany sat at the kitchen table with an apple and a spoonful of peanut butter to read over the numerous documents, analyze his X-rays, and make notes about the upcoming procedure. More often than not, she could fully fall into the work and forget that this little boy was Rod’s grandson. When she remembered it, the truth sprang out and attacked her, reminding her of the delicacy of life—and her fear for her own children.

She took bites of apple, closed her eyes, and counted to ten. She reminded herself that she was doing all she could for her children, that they were healthy and safe. More than that, if anything went wrong—which it wouldn’t—she had the skills to help them. She was strong.

It was true that Maddie, Tommy, and Phoebe were thriving on Nantucket. Yet again, this very afternoon, they were off with their cousins, hiking through the woods and swimming. They always returned home tanned, happy, and tired, with enormous appetites that Esme was pleased to meet. The look in their eyes reminded Bethany of her own childhood joys. It felt remarkable that she could give these gifts to them—just by driving them north. Away from the Waterstones. Away from Savannah.

“I always wanted to go to Savannah,” Rebecca said dreamily one evening with a laugh. “Now, I want to erase it from the map completely.”

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