Page 25 of Trick of Light

Renee’s eyes were glazed. Rod reminded himself not to say anything overtly rude about her on-again, off-again boyfriend. It was never clear where she stood on her opinion of him.

“He’s just scared,” Renee said, wiping her lips with a napkin.

Rod wanted to blare out the truth that they were all frightened and that they needed to come together for the sake of Felix. That Vinny was a grown man. But at that moment, Felix crammed ten french fries into his mouth and roared like a dinosaur, and both Rod and Renee laughed with tears raining down their faces. Their love for this little boy had to save him. It just had to.

Rod drove Renee and Felix back to the ferry at Hyannis Port, where they got out and stood on the top deck with tourists who watched the horizon expectantly, eager to see Nantucket Island. Felix adored the ferry and wandered around, talking to people as though he owned the place. He’d always been very social, unafraid of making human connections. Rod liked to think he got that from him.

“Vinny won’t even answer my texts,” Renee admitted just as the island came into view.

“You should cut him off,” Rod said, unable to stop himself. “He doesn’t deserve to know Felix if he can’t handle this.”

“The world doesn’t need even more cruelty,” Renee said quietly. “I want to show him compassion.” She swallowed. “But I need him to come around. For Felix’s sake. For mine.”

Under the surface of her words, Rod heard the truth that she loved Vinny. That she always would.

But he’d disappointed her so tremendously that she wasn’t sure she could fully forgive him. Rod understood that, too.

Rod buckled Felix into his car seat, jumped up into the driver’s side, and carefully drove the truck off the ferry, gripping the steering wheel a little too hard. His hands cramped. All the way to Renee’s place, the radio played old nineties hits that reminded Rod of his own high school days. He could practically hear Bethany singing them as though her voice perpetually haunted him. If he pushed his imagination a little too far, he could feel Bethany beside him in the front seat of the car that had broken down many years ago. He could feel the love they’d once shared.

Rod hadn’t told Renee about texting Bethany. Ultimately, he was embarrassed that he’d reached out at all. He’d assumed Bethany would write back immediately and leap at the chance to chat. But she hadn't responded since he’d written her three days ago.

Perhaps it had been arrogance making him think they could come together now in friendship. He cursed himself for that.

It was impossible to know what Bethany’s life was like now. Victor had hinted that she didn’t have an overwhelmingly happy life. But who did? Everyone just kept going. Everyone just put one foot in front of the other.

And perhaps it was cruel of Rod to try to draw Bethany back into his world. Too much had happened.

Rod played with Felix in the living room as Renee packed their bags and prepared to spend the next month or two at Rod’s place—the home where he’d raised her. It was summer, which meant they didn’t need much clothing, and Rod had plenty of toys at his place to keep Felix occupied.

More than that, there was no telling what Felix’s energy would be like once he started treatment. Surgery could seep the energy out of even the most boisterous children. Rod was terrified of that future. But they would deal with it when it came.

Once they were back at Rod’s place, Felix fell asleep on the sofa, and Renee and Rod crept around him tentatively. Renee still hadn’t heard from Vinny, and she was prone to bursts of tears, during which she fled the room so as not to wake up Felix. Renee had hardly eaten any of her McDonald’s, and Rod began to prep a healthy fish dish with noodles for Felix and plenty of vegetables. As he sliced and diced garlic, onions, and broccoli, Felix woke up in the living room and whispered tenderly to his mother, asking her what was wrong.

“Nothing, baby,” Renee told him, sniffling. “I’m just fine. How are you feeling?”

Rod had half a mind to pull up Vinny’s number and send him a horrible, angry text. But every time he considered it, he was reminded of himself at that age. What a fool he’d been.

Vinny would regret these days for the rest of his life. Rod didn’t need to do anything for that to be so.

Rod’s regrets for what he’d done at eighteen hung heavily on his shoulders, especially this week. Especially when he pulled up the text messages he’d sent Bethany—begging to talk on the phone.

After dinner that night, Rod convinced Renee to take an hour or two for herself. She poured herself a glass of wine and filled the bathtub, muttering to herself that she really didn’t have time, that Felix needed her. But despite his medical ailments, Felix was in good spirits. He begged Rod to read him the same book three times before he fell asleep with his head on Rod’s chest. Rod didn’t have the heart to move him for a good thirty minutes. As they sprawled out together on Felix’s bed, Rod flicked through his phone before giving in to what he really wanted to read about—the history of childhood cancers, the success rate of Felix’s upcoming surgery, and the success rate of this doctor in Boston.

Ultimately, he found himself googling “Bethany Sutton surgeon.”

He read:

“Bethany Sutton Waterstone is a gifted surgeon and the newly named head of Savannah Waterstone Hospital. Over the past thirteen years, Bethany has helmed more than three hundred surgeries and guided countless adults and children to better health. In 2018, she was named The Best Surgeon in the United States, and in 2020, she was listed as one of the most essential healthcare employees of the pandemic—a hero in every sense of the word.”

When Rod googled Nick Waterstone, her husband, he read:

“Nick Waterstone settled out of court for a malpractice suit.” Apparently, Nick had made an error during surgery that resulted in the patient requiring another surgery immediately afterward. Nick had had to pay a substantial settlement.

What did Bethany think of that? Rod had known her to be tremendously thoughtful, the sort of woman who always planned ahead and never made an error. Could she respect Nick after that? What was a marriage without respect?

Then again, Rod had never been married. He’d even failed his attempt at dating. What did he know about human relationships?

Rod darkened his screen and nestled his head deeper on Felix’s pillow. Ever since Felix’s birth, he’d had a room at Rod’s. And Rod had secretly dreamed of the day that Felix and Renee would live with him. He hadn’t imagined it would be like this, though.

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