Page 48 of Down in Flames

"Nothing wrong with that."

"It's complicated." West cracked his neck. He couldn't wade too much further into prevarications and half-truths without tripping himself up. He had to cut the conversation short now.

He braced his hands against the wall and ducked under the spray to rinse suds out of his hair, jumping a little when Michael's hands found their way to the globes of his ass. Michael palmed him gently, crowding up behind him and soothing him with an open-mouthed kiss to the base of his neck.

"You don't have to prove anything to me," he murmured, gliding his mouth up to West's earlobe. "But you can't keep hiding things from me. My heart can't take it."

West's lips twisted bitterly. "Your heart can take anything."

"Not losing you." Michael cupped his jaw from behind and cranked his head around for a deep, searing kiss. Despite his guilt, West's flagging erection began to swell back to life. "I know you think I've been through all this before, but it's not like that. This is new ground for me, too."

West closed his eyes and tipped his head back, granting access to the side of his neck. His voice shook when he asked, "What do you mean?"

Michael drank slowly from his skin, sipping droplets from the cords of his throat. When he spoke, his words were a gentle rumble that tickled West's neck. "I loved Mary. I would've grown old with her if we'd been allowed. But we were just kids when we fell in love. It was a sure thing before we even knew who we were or what we wanted out of life, and we just coasted on that. But what I feel with you..." His swallow was audible. "It's like for the first time in my life, I got to choose. You were right by my side for so long, and I never noticed. But then one day I looked at you, and it was like I saw you for the first time. It felt like I was breathing different air when you were around. You always acted like I could take on the world, and it made me feel good. Made me feel strong even when I was weak inside. You're so full of life. You've got so much love to give...and...and I wanted it. I wanted you. I chose you. But I'm scared to death that I'm going to lose you just like I lost her."

West wanted to turn around and fold him in his arms. He wanted to kiss away the agony in his voice. But he couldn't. Michael had him pinned against the shower wall. He pressed close, slowly rocking his pelvis, clutching West's hips in both hands and guiding them in the rhythm he set. His cock was a thick, hard length that slipped along the crevice of West's ass. Not looking for entrance. Not yet. But getting him used to the idea. Knocking at the door.

Helpless to reach him any other way, West clutched his hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss his palm. But he didn't stop there. He placed a trail of small, affectionate kisses down the inside of his wrist, tasting water and sweet skin on the tip of his tongue as he went. Michael's fingers curled, but he stood placidly and took each kiss.

"You're not going to lose me," West promised.

"It would kill me this time," Michael groaned, cupping the back of West's thigh and lifting his leg to tease at his entrance.

West's legs weren't shaking anymore. His body didn't pain him. Not nearly as much as the ache in his heart, anyway. It wasn't built to hold this much love at once, and it hurt. He needed a release valve, or he was going to explode. But just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, Michael began to ease inside. It was like being taken over. His body didn’t belong to him anymore. It was Michael’s…and he deserved to know…

“Michael, I…”

“I love you.” The confession sounded as if it had been ripped out of Michael’s chest. He groaned and bit down on West’s shoulder, sliding so deep that West’s balls began to ache from the pressure. “I’ve loved you for a long time now, even if it took me a while to realize it. And I know you love me.”

“I do,” West gasped. “I love you, Michael.”

“Then promise me something.” Michael’s arm snaked around his chest to hold him close, and West threaded their fingers together. “Promise you’ll stop hiding things from me. If we’re going to have a chance, we need to start with the truth.”

West closed his eyes, leaning his head back on Michael’s shoulder as he began moving steadily inside him. His strength cradled West, supporting him and warming him from behind while the water soaked him from the front. Exactly the way he’d been longing for earlier that night. Whether he realized it or not, Michael had always given him exactly what he needed.

It crushed him that he couldn’t do the same. He could try, but there would always be one guarantee he could never give.

“I promise,” he whispered, ignoring the tears leaking out from beneath his closed lashes. Pretending they were just water.

Michael cupped his balls, rolling them between his fingers as he thrust once, twice, and began to come. West groaned. He’d never been filled before, and it was so hot that he only had to pump his dick once before he was squeezing out a second climax.

His knees buckled then. Michael caught him and palmed off the water one-handed before half-carrying him across the tiny studio toward the bed. West sank between the sheets wet, so exhausted that he could barely raise his head, but when Michael turned to go, he caught him by the wrist.

“Stay.”

“Baby, wild horses couldn’t drag me away.” Michael unpeeled his fingers, flipped off the light, and then slid into bed next to him. West winced and rolled until he was in his arms, burying his nose in the hollow of his throat and breathing deep.

“I want to stay like this forever,” he murmured sleepily.

“You could have this every night,” Michael said, kissing the top of his head. “No need to stay in town when there’s three hundred acres with your name on it.”

“My name doesn’t start with an M.”

“Turn the W upside down.” Michael’s jaw cracked wide on a yawn. “Forget the issues you’ve got with your family. You’ve got a place with us now. All you’ve got to do is grab it.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

West slept like the dead, and when he woke, his body didn't hurt nearly as much as he'd expected.

---